It's been too long since I've sat down to write, I know. I've been busy, busy. Painting & scrubbing & painting some more.. & then more scrubbing at the new place getting it ready for the kids and I to move into. I am *almost* done. Still a few more walls to paint, and I want to buy a 4x8 sheet of tile board for the kitchen, so I don't have to paint it. Because the 35 years of wallpapered over wallpaper is just.. ick. I've pulled a lot of it down already.. & years of bug carcasses fell out. Awesomesauce, right? I don't care, as long as they are dead!
I've already bug bombed the place once, and I am going to to it several more times as I move stuff from here to there. We've had a roach problem driving me bat shit crazy here from day 1. I will NOT bring those bastards with us!
I finally found a vehicle this weekend.. in the middle of the food poisoning induced vomit fest the house was in the middle of. My older two escaped it.. they went with their dad for the weekend and did not partake in pizza night Friday. They got lucky! 1am Saturday toddler terrorist wakes up emptying the entire contents of her tummy all over her crib, me, her Daddy, the floor, the tub... e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. Fun, fun. I'm guessing her fast toddler metabolism is what spared her from further misery. She threw up, and was done. It hit me Saturday morning that I didn't feel right. By Saturday evening... I was in all kinds of stomach peril. I'll spare you further details than that.... A couple hours behind me, the husband's stomach joined in. Not a weekend of happiness... lemme tell ya. But, we weren't arguing at least.
Meanwhile... I spied a vehicle on craigslist that was affordable... and would work, in a backwards kind of way. I'll keep the SUV we have, and the husband will take the new vehicle. Whatever works, right?
So... this week I have to put everything into high gear. Really start moving everything. Really finish painting. Really find out why the hot water will not. stop. running. in the tub in what will be the kids bathroom. Always something it seems....
And in the midst of it all - we've been moving forward... all of us, together, under the same roof. The husband clean. Not using. Not even using weed. Something I think I'll have to require he continues. He's been nice. Life's been pleasant. At least for a few days.
It makes my head cloudy.
He has been saying how he will be with us in a few months. How he will show me we are more important than anything to him. How he desperately wants another chance.
I've been steadfast in saying no. We HAVE to have a separation for now.
The way he's been recently makes me want to falter. It makes me think we could really make a go of it again, if things hold true to how they are.
Then I want to smack myself over the head & remind myself a week of good cannot overshadow the years of lies.
Anyway... baby-steps forward. It's all I've got right now.