(I wrote this on Sunday.)
And sang me a song... she sang so sweetly, it sank into the depths of my soul... stirred around some of those pieces that, have been sitting there, a bit fractured and broken... and they started to fit back together again...
Everything has happened gradually for me with this... one step at a time... one day at a time, and all of that... but, the past few days - have been really nice. I have realized something that, is long overdue. I am not waiting for him. Not that I really ever thought I was... (well, the first week or so, okay) But - I am done. SO very done.
For instance - there was this interaction between he and I during his visit on Thursday that, I have now told three people about - and watching how appalled each one was at it, it just made me realize even more, what I have allowed myself to deal with... Here... let me explain..
On Thursday, when he came by, my house actually looked the best it had looked in weeks. Because we have been battling the Flu and whatnot. Well... that day, I had dusted, I had run the vacuum... it looked really good, all things considered. And what does he do? Right before he went to leave, after the kids were in bed.... he looks at me and says "you are not going to take these couches with you right? I mean, they are disgusting... the stains, and look, when you vacuum, don't you even understand to get in the creases, there are crumbs in there...." - and oh. my. God. I just went off. I told him how the stains are in a way, HIS fault, I have not had the money to get the resolve to keep up with it... and it is because of the animals, the animals HE mostly brought into this house (which I now love dearly)
And, you know - I have allowed myself to deal with that for YEARS. Before, it would have stressed me out SO badly - I would have spent each day, before "his highness" came home from work, with 2 hours worth of knots in my stomach, filled with anxiety - worried I did not have the house "perfect" - I could not see how horribly wrong he was to treat me that way. I don't know why... but I just could not see it. Now? It is like a spot light is shining on it...
(Time to run... I had planned on adding to this... I will get to it eventually!)
Posted Date: : Mar 10, 2008 2:01 PM