Thursday, September 13, 2012

It’s easy... if you do it right.

You know... I really could not make this stuff up if I tried. You know that, right?

Okay... here is the schedule that Andrew and I came up with, for him to visit the kids... on Tuesdays and Thursdays after work, and all day on Sundays. Yesterday was Tuesday... and, my life never has a dull moment - we have established that little nugget of truth a while ago - right? So... before he comes over yesterday, he informs me that, he is not in his car - the payments were horribly behind on it, and that he therefore surrendered it... okay... he arrives - early - just before I am set to go to the bus stop to get Jillian... and he mentions (jokingly - sort of... though, hoping I would say something like "sure hunny, just let me do that for you" - riigghhhttttt... [sarcasm]) Anyway... he says "my tire needs air, would you go put air in the tire for me?" Well, my desire to say "No" in a thousand different languages overcame me - and I said "uhh, no" - with an involuntary roll of my eyes. Which - he so "innocently" questioned. (His fake innocence and "confusion" crap - I am so very done with...) So, I told him, I knew who's car it had to be... and I was not touching it. (Pay attention to that word, there...)

So... (this is turning into a log of my day... and I really don't like writing like that, but so far, I just can't find a way to make it any sort of a pretty story sort of thing like I like to write...)

Again... So... I went outside to take my walk to the bus stop, and I get my first look at the hunk of junk he is driving... and the tire. The flat tire... sitting on it's rim - flat, not even going to make it to the service station for air, I have no idea how he got here, flat tire. With a sigh, I walked over to it and pushed on it with my foot... yep, total give. Oh crap. Seriously? Because... I know what happens next........

Andrew can not change a tire. Yes, you read that right. Is your jaw back in it's proper alignment yet? Good... allow me to reiterate, Andrew, has never changed a car tire in his life, he probably never will, he can not change a tire.

I, can. I have changed 2 tires in my life, and it is really quite simple. (The very first time you do it, you make one mistake, that nearly everyone makes the first time they change a tire... and you feel like an ass, and you never make that mistake again, which is raising the car before loosening the lug nuts - of course then the tire spins, you say "doh" and lower the car, loosen the lug nuts and the rest is easy...) Yes, I made that mistake the FIRST time I changed a tire... the second time I changed one was flawless... and therefore... who was going to change the tire?

And... there was this car... in my driveway... his girlfriend's "parent's" car. With a flat tire. And a driver unable to fix it. And... this hoopty-mobile did not have AAA or anything... no - either this was on me - or he was going to call her for rescue. The latter was not even a considerable option to me... I have never had a face to face with her, and I hope to keep it that way. So... I took my daughter to dance - came home - and in the dark, and in the rain (thankfully, the rain was not constant or heavy yet.) I proceeded to begin to change the tire on my husband's girlfriend's parent's car.

How fucked up does that sound?!

There was a problem... in the previous tire change jobs I have done... I have never dealt with a hubcap before. And it needed a special tool to get it off. Logic states that, that tool should be locked in the spot with the spare - to keep it safe, and find-able, right? Well... the apple doesn't fall far from the gene pool - and logic is irrelevant here... And there I am... in my driveway, holding a tire iron from my truck to fix her car - and Mr. "I have never changed a tire in my life" is trying to tell me how, I am doing it wrong.... and I laughed. (I have this running joke with a dear friend... and I am not a violent person, you all know that much for certain about me, I HOPE, anyway - at that moment... in the middle of us arguing in the middle of my driveway for all the world to see - as I am twirling this heavy piece of iron in my hand like a baton... I laughed. Just, mid-argument. Because I knew, (for one, what a hilarious statement I could make to the afore mentioned friend about this moment) and, I knew - I am going to be okay. Totally, honestly, really, okay. I found humor in that horrible moment, that crappy situation... "the cop would believe the tire iron just slipped out of my hand, right?") Ha! He was totally baffled by my laughter... and asked me, why... why was I laughing? My response? "It is all I have left....."

He of course then tried to go all "zen" on me - and tell me how it is "good for me" to be dealing with this "like this" - to which I shut him down, instantly. I don't need or want any life lessons from sir "panic attack when it serves him" - I am just SO over it.

So... what happened next? The neighbor came home - and I was stumped over the missing tool for the hubcap - so, I asked for help. He very sweetly came over, and was stumped as well... it was not coming off. Well, I had previously asked Andrew to check the glove box, for the owners manual about getting the hubcap off - and now I told him to check it again - for this damned "special tool" and guess what? It was there. (He should have seen it the first time.....)

Anyway - the neighbor stuck around and helped with the tire change... and Andrew tried to say it was because of my incompetence... but I know for a fact, it was because, unlike Andrew's screwy sense of what is "right" to do, he probably figured he did not want me, a female, having to change a tire, for an incompetent man, all on my own... and, it was very helpful to have the extra hand there - it kept me from hurting my back or my hip, but it now means that, in Andrew's warped mind, I get no credit for changing HER stupid tire. Which seriously pisses me off. Yes... I admit it, sometimes I still have ego issues. Part of me wants to send his "girlfriend" a "your welcome" email... but I really don't care about that...

I am, however - waiting on my friggen halo to fall from the sky - and it hasn't arrived yet!

How many other "soon to be ex" wives would change the tire on their "soon to be ex" husband's girlfriend's parents car?

Exactly... I didn't think so...

Posted Date: : Mar 5, 2008 1:41 PM

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