I didn't mean to keep you in suspense last week... really, I promise. I suppose on a subconscious level of some sort, maybe I was hoping silence here, would come to fruition in my life. Though, I have had no such luck. It certainly isn't all bad... in fact, most of it is just fine - but I am starving for a little less chaos, and a lot more predictability these days.
I suppose... I will have to wait a bit longer for that dream to become a reality....
Anyway - on Monday I went to that dreaded doctors appointment... and as I suspected would happen... I won't have any more news on what came of it until later this week. (Waiting on test results and such.) Meanwhile, my nerves are starting to mount over my December 3rd appointment. Depending on what I hear back from my doctor later this week... just before next Monday I may be a raging ball of nerves... (which translates into - unfortunately, total bitch. - And I really try to control it...)
Enough on that. My B-A-B-Y boy turned 4 yesterday!! F.O.U.R. When the hell did THAT happen!? I am going to blink and have to enroll him in college or something. He is such an angel - though his devil horns were on yesterday!! But he is sitting next to me RIGHT now, asking me what EACH word is as I type it. And his little eyes look SO tired. But I am enjoying it so much... his little head up against my arm... singing the alphabet and pausing only to say "Mommy!? What's dat say!?" (That was not a typo.) If only I could freeze frame these moments - to pull out and look at for all the other ones... "Don't hit your sister... stop jumping on the couch... don't chase the dog.... don't say THAT word!... you are not a caveman, don't grunt at me..... I SAID don't hit your sister...." - You get the idea! I just want to soak this in.....
I feel so sleepy. I just can't get my shit together recently. Today I wanted to rake the leaves, and put up Christmas decorations... finish the laundry, and just clean the house in general. What has been done? The laundry. Well... it will be once the dryer finishes and I switch stuff out. But I didn't go outside... I could not muster any energy to deal with the cold... and normally I LOVE the cold. The inside of the house still looks the same too - I did try - but the lights I have are half blown out - and yesterday when I asked my mom to get an extra simple strand... she got some weird elaborate thing that will have white AND colored lights in the same strand. Huh? She does that all the time - I ask her to grab something... and she gets something else... then gets upset when I don't use what she got - and I am not trying to be ungrateful... it's just - why not get the simpler thing I wanted to begin with!? (And, that strand of lights alone - actually, there are 2 strands, should not stop me from sticking up all the rest of the Christmas stuff... yet, it does... like it took what little momentum I had and stopped it in it's tracks.) Ugghh... I have been doing this a lot recently - I have so many things I want to do at once that - I get overloaded, and freeze.
Tomorrow I will make a list for everything - so I can force myself to prioritize.
Tonight, will be simple. I am making my yummy burritos. (Yes, I can call them yummy, I love them, and I make them!) And everyone in the house loved them the last time I made them... and I will try and catch up on some of my shows... and hopefully wake up tomorrow ready to take on the world.
Posted Date: : Nov 25, 2007 4:38 PM