Okay, I actually wrote this a couple of weeks ago... since then, lots has happened... for one, I had a horrible case of the Flu, which is a large part of the reason I am just now taking the time to type this... that was basically a 2 week illness.. I STILL feel far from perfect - but alas... forward I go. Anyway, it will probably cut off abruptly in the end, I will apologize for that now. Also, I have one more to type that I wrote last week... and then tomorrow I expect to find the time to write a truly up to date update. Wish me luck on that!!
Is it giving in? Or is it accepting fate? But, I do not fully believe in fate... So - what gives? (Pun, fully intended...)
It looks like November outside today... cloudy, a chill in the air - though an unexpected warmth on the breeze - tomorrow it will be near 60 here. I wish this place I love so deeply would give me one good, true snowstorm to remember it by. That hurts even to write... My children and I will be leaving the Northern winters I cherish so... and I will deeply morn that. But I want to see the glass as half full - and we will be emerging into the land where the thunder rolls across the hills as power filled as those same snowstorms I cherish... though I will get many more thunderstorms in Texas... because it seems I can no longer rely on my snowstorms here.
Yes... Texas. Part of me feels like crying. Part of me feels relief that, I suppose I have made up my mind.
God... (in all your names and incarnations) - Grant me the strength to get through the next 6 months with the dignity, strength, and grace I know I possess - as I am strong, I know my children will be strong...
And they will be excited about our move - and they will know Daddy will visit once a month... (he says he will visit twice a month... we will see what money, and his true determination, plus commitment to his word will allow...) - and that is not a complete knock on him... I HOPE he comes that often - the children will miss him terribly - but I will not promise them twice a month until he has a proven track record of keeping his word.
And, I fear falling flat on my face...
And, I can't let that happen. I will provide security for my children. I know I can... and I will.
(And, I meant to go home that night and elaborate on this... but, here I am. I will write more later... and fully update tomorrow!!)
Posted Date: : Mar 1, 2008 10:43 PM