Thursday, September 13, 2012

Me and my shadow...

On LAST Thursday night (not last night) (actually, early last Friday morning, depending on how particular you want to be with accuracy...) My mother, packed up her car with everything of hers that she could possibly fit into it, and she drove off into the sunset - err, the sunrise.

And that new era of our lives I am awaiting - that is set to fully begin in July - has been put into motion. She starts (started) her job in Texas on Tuesday. The job that will help to build our financial foundation to move there, secure a place for us to live, and all of that.

This changes my routine at home rather drastically. With the "soon to be" ex-husband gone - I have been working very hard (and forcing myself) to do things to establish my independence, keeping my confidence high - and my forward momentum increasing... A lot (not all, of course) of these things - with it being winter, and cold, layers of clothing needed to go out - I have had her watching Aidan, while Jilly was at school - while I did what I needed to do. Be it meet a friend, run to the store, etc.

Last Friday, this all changed. My Aidan needs me now more than ever (this was never in question, my little guy has been seriously needing me more and more recently, we have always had loads of time together... I just knew I had the liberty to let him stay with my mother so I could run a quick errand and such...) - and I need him now, more than ever. So, I tried something... I knew it was risky with his "bounce off the walls" demeanor recently... I tried it anyway. My Medicine Wheel group gets together - roughly once a month during the day to go over our notes, raise questions someone else in the group may know the answer too, and that sort of thing. So -  I checked ahead, and indeed, it was fine to bring him with me... And the little guy ran in circles in the adjacent room from the group, holding my attention and making sure I was talking to him the entire time. I was frustrated. I couldn’t take part in the discussion, he was climbing all over the furniture - and when we left (early) I declared it in my mind, as a failure. "Bummer, I can’t try THAT again..."

A few hours later... he came up to me - gave me the biggest, sweetest hug, and said "Mommy, Thank you for taking me to your Medicine Wheel with you..."

Oh. My. God. I am such a shit. How could I have looked at it as such a bad experience? He was so happy he simply got to go! Even days later, he was very excited to tell his Daddy all about going.

It’s time for me to reclaim some of that near saintly patience I used to be known for.

Myself and my babies... for the most part - it is just the three of us now. We are going to come through this so unbelievably strong with each other... this is just the beginning, of a wonderful future.

I just have to keep things in perspective... relax... and take it one step at a time. My little guy... he is currently testing his boundaries - big time. He has been acting out - hitting, yelling... doing this caveman growl thing... I am going to work him through it... I KNOW that. Just one step at a time.

Posted Date: : Mar 21, 2008 10:18 PM

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