The beat of life... thump, thump... thump... Can you hear it? You probably can't - unless you stop, and pay attention. Whether your listening or not though... it marches on, silently - just like a heartbeat... unheard until it is listened to. I always cherish those reminders to stop... and listen.
Fall brought one of those reminders with it this year... I love Fall... I always have. I spend all year longing for it... though this year - being in the South again - I had somewhere allowed myself to let go of my anticipation for it. I wasn't even thinking about it... then overnight - right on time - something wonderful happened... it arrived - and woke me up!
I love the way the air feels as a crisp breeze caresses your skin... I opened the door last night, in the hours long before dawn... maybe 3 am - my new furry companion (the puppy) had nudged me awake with a sense of urgency, so - out we went. When I opened that door - I found the air surprisingly chilled... the dew already thick on each blade of grass, and together we stood there - and took in the new season.... it felt so refreshing.. I stared at the stars for a moment.. Then the hoot of an owl grabbed my attention... then another from somewhere further away followed... and I just wanted to drink in that moment...
Then I realized the puppy was practically peeing on my foot.....
But I have been greatly enjoying the nightly middle of the night puppy walks... a task I have in the past loathed... I have been looking at the stars again each night while I am out there... I had forgotten how much I loved to do that... maybe it was that all the stars were dimmed in NY by all the city lights... but I enjoy it so much... look up into that vast space, and gaze at - everything...
I have had a few moments recently that I wish I could just bottle up, save, and remember forever. Those quiet moments outside at night... a sliver of time a few evenings ago when - I had the most horrible migraine - and I felt more taken cared of and - even concerned about than I have in years... and it was just a headache... But there are these moments of comfort, and security... I want to just hold onto - so I never forget what it feels like again.
So - I have been feeling so bad when everyone speaks to me recently and I seem to exude this presence of pure... stress. One of these days I WILL get it all balanced out... Really.
I start work on Monday. For the past 6 years, my "job" has been my children. This job I am starting - it is a basic job that will just "hold me over" until I find something better... this I know - yet still - I have to get myself back in the swing of things and that is stressing me greatly. Not to mention - finding the gas money to get to and from it until I get the first check... and of course - I have no "work" wardrobe anymore. But... one day at a time... I know what I am wearing on Monday... and, maybe Tuesday. Friday apparently jeans are ok... so - somehow I will get it covered...
I will update again soon.........
Posted Date: : Sep 26, 2008 10:11 PM
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