Thursday, September 13, 2012

And I really, NEVER saw this coming........

Well... this is my second entry for the day...

I just feel this huge range of emotions at the moment... You see - I had been waiting on the results of the biopsy of that spot on my skin this week. She had told me - she would call ME on the results only if there was something to be concerned about, but told me to call HER to check on it, if I wanted in a week. Well - the week mark was on Wednesday - and I called - and they did not have the results back yet. And the sweet woman on the other end of the phone told me to try back in a day or so - I asked if Friday would be good - and she said they were not IN on Friday - so maybe try on Monday. Ok then...

So - yesterday - (Friday) my phone rings - and it is the doctors office. The second I saw that... that she was calling ME - on the day the office is closed - I knew, it probably wasn't very good.

But - it isn't very bad either.

I keep floundering between feeling a bit surprised - I had thought the skin check that I did while I was there was totally optional - the thing of concern I had even GONE there about was the tiny thing on my nose - which is nothing. Anyway - then I feel relief - she said if I had waited say, 4 months - it could have gotten out of hand by then... and I nearly put off that appointment until "after the holidays" - add that thought to my profound ability to procrastinate - and 4 months could have flown by. And then, I feel a little bit stressed, and worried. From this point on, I am going to have to be freakishly diligent about my sun exposure - check my large dark "freckles" (I can't call them moles, they don't poke out any!) - on my own every couple of months, and GO get them checked every 6 months. There is already another one that she saw the last time that probably has to get a biopsy too...

And I just... feel a little surprised.

Yes, it is "cancer" - yes, it is the "bad" skin cancer. Melanoma. BUT - we caught it RIGHT away. She doesn't think it had grown into ANYTHING yet. Though to be safe, and to make sure ALL the cancer cells are gone from that spot, I have to go to a specialist and get a larger chunk of skin removed. And that is going to take stitches... and it just doesn't sound like a lot of fun. But clearly - it is priority number 1 right now. Because then I have these profound moments where I think - you know - I could have easily put that appointment off.. and NOT listened to that voice in my head and gone - and I could have found myself REALLY sick a year down the road. But - none of that is going to happen - because we caught it. And I will now have the tools to make sure it never comes back and gets the best of me... and so - the very first step to take is to make VERY sure every last bit of it is OFF MY SKIN. I actually have this intense - truly obsessive desire to get this done - RIGHT NOW. I guess that is a normal reaction though, right?

One step at a time I suppose.

My poor husband - last night when I told him about the biopsy - he hardly SEEMED to flinch - at least from what he SHOWED me in his reaction. I was worried he did not realize just how serious it could be... but this morning I realized he did know. I certainly don't want it to scare him - but I can't under exaggerate either... 

No matter what - I am FINE. I feel the same today as I did yesterday BEFORE the doctor called me and told me about this. And we caught it VERY early. So - though we have to make sure it never appears on my SKIN again (which, it is highly possible - actually probable that it WILL) we will catch it and remove it right away, just like this time. But since we caught it so early - I will never have to worry about it spreading to anywhere else in my body.

And because there are so many things I look forward to in my life - dancing with my son at his wedding... watching my husband walk his daughters down the aisle, holding my grandchildren, and spoiling them silly... not to mention traveling the world with my husband once we accumulate enough money to afford it...! - I have a very simple plan. Never - EVER miss a 6 month skin check. Period.

And that, is all I have to say about that. (For now.) (I have an appointment with the dermatologist on the 19th to go over everything, and my husband is going to try to go to that... and I still have to make the appointment with the specialist to fully remove the cancer. And yes, I am a little freaked about affording all of this out of pocket with my baby boys birthday FAST approaching, and Christmas on it's tail.... but somehow - it will all work out in the end.)

Posted Date: : Nov 10, 2007 9:21 AM

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