Friday, September 14, 2012

Runs deep...


A gypsy.. a nomad, a traveler... a stateless people... wanderer... - all words used to describe someone who doesn't "settle down" in one place, for very long..


Gypsy... even the way I write the word makes it look pretty to me.. the thoughts my mind always conjures on hearing it is that of deep Earth toned colors... exotic accents you cannot quite pinpoint the origin of... beaded drapes and silk curtains... perhaps I am confusing it with the stereotype of a "fortune teller" - nevertheless - that is where my mind wanders. An aura of mystery accompanied by a nomads life style... never staying in one spot for very long... Then, I wonder - just how terribly lonely that must be. But you see - that is why they travel together I suppose, you have heard the term "bands of gypsies" - never having to leave their life behind... it all just goes with them...


My life... for the longest time it was one move after another... I would joke I was meant to have been born a gypsy... Texas to Alabama, to Texas and then back to Alabama... not to mention the moves across town in between... and then Andrew entered my life - back to Texas again, and then onto Maryland, then New York and then there was Illinois... and then.... New York. Dizzying isn't it? I have always craved one place to truly call home... I really have... but I never said it...


Through it all, my ability to pick up and go remained constant... "Buh-bye" and "that's what email is for!!" Those have been my mantra's - I do not think I ever shed a tear because of a move before. And, here I am... so VERY ready to move - beyond excited... and VERY happy... yet there are just some people here... who it physically pains me to leave. I mean... for the most part - email and phone calls, visits and such will be wonderful, after all we are all adults here - but then, there are the people who have become so very important to my children... my Jilly has a friend. And I have an amazing friend in his Mother... she and I can keep in touch easily - but how do I protect her friendship with him - the one true FRIENDSHIP she has... It is a task I take very seriously...


And then... and I have no idea how I will write about this one without crying right here in the middle of Starbucks... (but I have to get it out now, because I can't cry the last time we see them, it would upset Jillian...) Anyway... and then - there is Gregg. "Dr. Gregg" - the honorary Uncle Gregg - for a while there, he was one of the very few people who knew all aspects of my life... from my intense and completely socially acceptable Autism advocacy, vaccine awareness stuff... to my "I must be a total oddball and I could never walk into a room and publicly proclaim I am a Shaman" Shamanism stuff... I am so used to living in this dual reality - it was just so refreshing to have a friend I could talk to about any of it, in the same conversation - and while I will still be able to talk to him at anytime - the things he has done for Jillian, it pains me to leave over... She was 3 when we first met him... his patience in working with her was and is amazing - her vocabulary jumped from MAYBE 40 simple words - to a few hundred with short sentences in a matter of months...


He assures me he will find me another Chiropractor in Houston that he trusts... but that doesn't make it any easier really...


From picking up Jillian's glasses and putting them on, while giving his best Ray Charles impersonation... to pulling me out to lunch when the last thing I wanted to do was eat, and carefully wording a much needed swift kick in the ass... no one will ever compare to what he means to our family in the things he has done for us, and the friend he has become...


It is not that by moving we are losing anyone - and I know that - it is just that for the first time in my life - I am really feeling the tug on the heartstrings with this move... and it is all because of the kids... they will get settled in though, and we will build a new everything - while keeping in touch with everyone from here - and it will be much BETTER for everyone... I KNOW this... I just have to remind myself of it every now and again..


Phew... I so badly needed to get that out...


I have been busy packing... getting down to it... in the home stretch and all of that... 19 days. 2 and a half weeks....!!


I have so much to look forward to... and I am really feeling great about all of it... I just have to remember that, because in the past I have left a place and - poof - that was the end of it... (with exception to a very few long standing, enduring friendships...) That not only is my life different now - but I am completely different... so this transition, will BE different.


I will tell no one "good-bye" - Merely see you soon, or, until we meet again...


Meanwhile - as the move grows closer... and naturally my stress levels have increased - I have been fighting a personal demon or two... well, mainly just one... But - we cannot know our light, without knowing our shadow, can we?


(No worries hunny, you won't have to kick my ass when you see me... I swear - I will be over it by then!!)


Every moment in time, every breath we take, can be one of those "growth opportunities" you know...


Posted Date: : Jun 19, 2008 8:40 PM

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