Reflections...

How can a person change so much, in just a year? Time feels as if it moves so slowly as it is happening... until one day you look back - standing firmly in the present - and a year has passed, in the blink of an eye.

I don't recognize who I was a year ago. I am the same person - only, better. All the strengths I had then, that I was just beginning to find - are here to stay.

I am sitting here... at home. Searching for a job, and growing more and more concerned that I haven't found one yet. "Don't worry, it's only been 5 days.." I hear his words circling in my head yet... that doesn't stop me from feeling a bit frantic at the entire situation.... But I am trying to see the bright side of it.

You see, we just moved. Into a pretty little house, in a wonderful little neighborhood we (my boyfriend and I) both wanted to move into - and, here we are. So - I am looking at it as a blessing in disguise. The still packed boxes neither of us had time to get to yet, I can tackle this week.... the "ok, where am I going to put THAT stuff we hardly use" area can get gone through - and the Mt. Washmore can get whittled down to size as well... (stole your line - don't you love me???!)

And as I am busily walking through the house, prattling on to myself - where any passerby would stop, call the guys with the white suits and straight jackets and medication and.... Anyway - I realize - the things coming out of my mouth - are things the "me" I used to be would never have said.

One year. A totally different person.

I have gone from afraid, and down, and all sorts of things to - Outspoken. Whoa. When the hell did that happen? I speak my mind. I say what I mean and mean what I say. And I say it bluntly, with no hesitation. Yeah.. I am surprised too. I always say I am shy. I built my screen name around it 15 years ago and kept it - and - I am just not that quiet little girl anymore. I am far from shy. I have become the one that leads the crowd.. well - cool!

While I am taking this pause for personal reflection - I want to say something. Something hard fought and very important to me. The other day I stepped on the scale at a friends house. I don't even own a scale anymore... so it had been months since I have been on one. This time last year I was just beginning to really try to loose weight. I knew what horrible number I weighed. And I knew what number I wanted to be at. And there was an 80 lb gap between the two.

Now... that gap? Well.... it is only a 20 lb gap.

Yes... I have lost 60 lbs.

Funny thing is - when I take a picture, I still think I look just like I did a year ago. Then again, a year ago I angled all my pictures a certain way... and now - I just take them. So... I guess maybe it's just something I don't see?

Anyhow... I am patting myself on the back.

Now... I need a job!!!!!! (Think happy thoughts!)

Posted Date: : Feb 9, 2009 12:01 PM