I wrote this earlier today, around 11:30 am. (This is becoming a habit, I write in my notebook somewhere, and then steal a moment to actually type it out... this, is that moment.... so I will say this now... have a wonderful night everyone! (I hope I sleep better tonight than last night!!)
It's snowing. These little tiny flakes that fall to the ground, hit the pavement, and keep on going with every breeze they encounter. It would be nice to get some snow cover on the ground. Real snow cover. Not the medley of slushy ice and sleet that freezes within hours and is absolutely impossible to walk on. I want a foot of snow to take my children outside to play in it. They would love that. I would love that.
This year though - is the first ever where I feel a longing for spring truly in my bones. Maybe it is my constant frustration over hoping "this time" will be the good snowstorm - only to awaken to rain, that is finally getting to me. Or maybe it is something deeper - a longing to make these recently planted seeds in my soul sprout a bit faster. Whatever it is - last week in the midst of our "January thaw" I inhaled deeply... and smelled the Earth warming, and felt the trees beginning to stretch to the ever increasing light of the sun... and I, too, felt compelled - as if I was wrapped in a safe blanket of hope that promises spring, and the new life it brings, is just around the corner.
(Tell me to read this in August - I will surely scoff and wonder - "what was I thinking?! Fall - bring your chilly breeze and crisp leaves, and please hurry and arrive!")
As I have written this - the snow has gotten a bit heavier. The flakes themselves are still tiny, and bouncing as they hit the ground, scurrying along with the wind...
Last night - I took his toothbrush out of the toothbrush holder and stuck it in the drawer. It is just something I was compelled to do. Afterall, it is my bathroom, and my
bedroom now - though he will still need it here for his visits with the kids - last night it reminded me too much of him. So... out of sight, and whatnot. I also moved my pillow to the center of the bed. I then realized that was a bit too much... and I nudged it slightly back to "my" side of the bed.
Maybe that has something to do with how I slept last night. It was one of "those" nights. One of the nights where, you KNOW you slept, somehow - but you managed to look at the clock every 20 minutes or so as well. And this morning was odd... I awoke with this intense pain in my chest. Like a 50 lb weight was on it. It hurt even to turn over. Really hurt. It stayed quite painful for the better part of an hour at least. I figure I must have slept oddly somehow or something. My teeth were also sore from clenching then so tightly. I don't know. I just hope whatever I did to myself overnight - I don't ever do it again! That was quite uncomfortable.
The snow has stopped for now... I do hope it starts again. (It didn't.)
And there you have it... I wrote that this morning... and now, I am headed to bed. (To find a better sleeping position!!) I know I stopped this rather abruptly.. I didn't realize I had done that until typing it out now. But, it is late... I will add to it tomorrow rather than prattle on tonight!
Posted Date: : Jan 22, 2008 11:25 PM