Thursday, September 13, 2012

Living IN my shadows...

Wow... today has been intense. I feel so completely drained... but so totally energized at the same time. I do have a bit of a headache... and I hope that goes away soon!!

Anyway... today was my Medicine Wheel "deepening day" - and it was truly wonderful! (And hard, and intense!) Well... the first thing we each did, of course, was mention a little about what we have done the past 3 months. And, we make it a point to not go into the personal part of our life's "stories" - and I had the most profound thing come out of my mouth... and it is really, just so true. What have I been doing? "Living IN my Shadow, and learning to be okay with that.........."

All too often, your "shadow" is given such a bad wrap. Shadow is "evil" shadow is "bad" - shadow is "uncomfortable" - shadow must be abolished... we can only focus on the happy parts of our lives and learn from them... and so on. But, we learn from our shadow where to proceed. Our Spirituality has been all about being in the light... but Shamans work in the shadow too.

I am not talking about some depressing mind trip. You just bring peace and happiness to the place IN YOU that your shadow lives.

And so... I realized, I have spent the past 3 months, totally immersed in some of my largest shadows. My fear of being alone... of having to do "this" all on my own... of being hurt again.... And I took it all, and grew so much from it.

From there, today we moved our focus on going forward. The future... our destiny (they are two different things...) and so on. "Our destiny is not the same as our future: While the future is what will happen later, destiny is in every instant, and we can always make ourselves available to it. Destiny is saying yes to the calling we're born with, while fate is what happens when we fight or ignore our calling" (Alberto Villoldo)

This is a very ancient idea that runs counter to modern psychology and biology, which define our destiny by our psychological and genetic profiles. However, the more we identify ourselves by what our parents did or failed to do, what's been programmed in our chromosomes, or what we own or wear, then the more our story belongs to our ancestors and to others. We dull our lives by explaining them away with a list of causes that lie beyond our control... 

I got off track and lost myself somewhere just now! Anyway... I had a wonderful day! And I have a lot I want to accomplish... I just have to figure out how to do it. And, I don't want to continue to be taught by taking a metaphorical 2 X 4 to the head anymore. I would rather look for the feathers as they fall from the sky.

And I want to figure out a way to incorporate my desire to teach (Shamanism and alternative healing) with my need to help other parents with children on the Autism spectrum... and if I can get all this to mesh somehow... that would just be perfect. Or, maybe I can just do both at once.

Can you see how I had a big day and my head is just overflowing with stuff!?!?!?

Now it is time to go make dinner for my munchkin's.... maybe I will have more ramblings for you later.

Posted Date: : Oct 20, 2007 5:18 PM

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