Resolutions... everyone seems to make them. Most with a going bet with themselves to how quickly they will also break them. That is why I am, most years, one to shy away from stating I am making "New Years Resolutions."
Last year, at this time... I was figuring out who I am... mostly spiritually... I am a Mommy - I would never argue with that! Shaman? Student? Teacher? Healer? Pagan? Wiccan? What more did I want to learn? Was I going to have the courage to go to Peru, alone?
This year - has just been insane. I spent the first half of it, figuring out who I was - just to rip it all apart, and do it over again in the second half of the year.
I am a Mother, and a wife - I am Pagan, though I am not necessarily Wiccan. (I love the rituals though!) I am a Shaman, and a student - I will be a teacher, and a healer. I will never be finished in learning everything I want to know everything about... Now that I have established my certainty about all that I am - it has opened an entirely new set of things to do. I feel like my "edges" are ruff... some are jagged, and some are blurry. I know... enough with the metaphors - but it is the best way I know to describe it all.
This year was so, completely different from what I expected. I don't even remember WHAT I had expected for the year at this point. But the first half was devoted equally to getting my daughter's services lined up for the Summer, and for Kindergarten - and to getting myself and my house in order for me to NOT be there for 2 weeks while I went to Peru. And then there was Peru. I can't go into how deeply that affected me here - I have 12 blogs devoted to it back in July - but it showed me a lot about myself. Just in time for me to come home, and discover a lot of what I had been led to believe about what my life had become - was untrue. And that hurt. Deeply. July and August was spent putting things back together... and after that - it all gets blurry. My health problems, and the arrival and subsequent departure of my step-daughter (she is here all the time, but she tried out living with us for a bit) - it all taught me so much about myself.
So, what do I want for 2008? I want to know I am no longer taken for granted by the people closest to me. (My Jillian and Aidan can, and are expected to take me for granted however... they are 4 and 5, they are automatically granted a free pass...) And I want to smile more.... laugh more, and make myself see and realize all the simple, happy moments in life. I need to take small steps to get there... but it is all tied in together. My spirituality, and my happiness... and my security with my family. One step at a time.
If I was to make any one, true, single "New Years Resolution" - then I will say - I want to meditate more. A lot more. And, really meditate. That will bring a lot more focus to my life. I should be doing it every morning with my mesa anyway. So - I actually think I WILL resolve to meditate. In the morning or night - as often as I can. (And, so I am not just saying that - I will see to it, I do it at least once a week.) How does that sound? And yes - I mean really meditate. My version of meditation these days seems to happen while I drive. More often than not, when I am driving on my own, I find my thoughts just racing - so, I turn up the music... until it has drowned out everything rattling around incessantly in my head. TRUE meditation is supposed to be very relaxing. I think I should give it a shot.
And on that note - I will call this entry done. My daughter has the dogs Reindeer ears on her head... and my son has attached pretend reins to her.. he is holding them, sitting on the couch as his "sleigh" - you KNOW where this is headed... right?
Incase I don't write again before then - everyone have a wonderful, safe, happy, and healthy New Year's Eve, and New Years day - and may each day of 2008 be just as wonderful for you, as your happiest day of 2007 was.
Yes, I said everyone.
See you next year.
Posted Date: : Dec 30, 2007 4:38 PM