This morning was a typical, every week day morning. It almost always plays out the same (read: infuriating) way... and I just felt like I was totally at my wits end.
In the morning my children typically seem to be in rare form (which in fact, makes it no longer "rare" at all doesn't it?) - and my husband is trying to hurry his way around the house, and get ready for work, and they try to "help" - but really.. it just seems like a big chaotic mess. It is not enjoyable. It does not consist of any good quality time for him with the kids at all (maybe rarely) and by the end of the hour, maybe 2 on the slower paced days - I am ready to yell at HIM "JUST L-E-A-V-E."
This makes me very unhappy. This makes him very unhappy. This is not doing anyone any good, what-so-ever. But I do not really know what to do about it all.
My mother lives in the apartment in my basement - so she hears everything that goes on in the mornings. This morning was a particularly ruff one... so once my husband left she made her way upstairs - knowing I wanted her to watch my babies while I went to the gym... and she sat down and began to go on and on about how *I* should fix our mornings.
At first, I just did not want to hear it - I was labeling it as "crap" she was giving input on that she did not really understand. Then she says to me how she is worried about my situation - and my husband... and worrying about the direction things could go if the chaos keeps up... and she starts giving suggestions, and wants my input... well... my response (which is probably a typical one) was "why the hell should I have to change anything, HE is the one acting like he can't handle the kids, HE needs to LEARN how to handle his kids." And to a point that is truly how I feel about it. They get him so damn flustered - and the more flustered he is, the worse he reacts, the more horrible of a response he gets from them... BUT - my mother said it plainly: I can not change him. This is something I know - something I have gotten much better at understanding, and something I have gotten more comfortable with just in the past year. So - if I look at this from that perspective... maybe I can make things better.
I mean, is it making him so miserable it is damaging our marriage? I did not think so... but if it looks like it could be from someone on the outside looking in, it makes me wonder - am I just missing it?
I don't know - I expected this to be a rant when I grabbed the computer as I walked out the door this morning... but I suppose my yoga class relaxed me just enough to make it more of a "figure it all out" session instead.
I am going to go home, and try and reorganize my bedroom - so it is more "user friendly" for my husband. (Simple things in bad spots get him totally frazzled.) And then I am going to try to work out a morning plan... or routine of some sort. Other people do it all of the time, so I know I can too... I just have to figure out what works.
On a totally different subject... it is amazing that here I sit, in a Border's bookstore - looking out the window at spring blooms on the trees... and big chunks of white snowflakes falling to the ground. I GAVE UP on winter months ago... so NOW it snows? Go figure.
One more unrelated note: the sweet, sweet baby puppy I brought home from my trip - is deaf. I mean... I could not even make this stuff UP. Who would of thought of the odds? I have had a deaf cat... so now, I have a deaf dog. She is adorable though, and so self possessed you really can't even tell... just one more unique piece for my family.