Tuesday, September 4, 2012

A necessary apology.

I owe my husband an apology, though he is not even aware of it. You see... about a week and a half ago - I think (time has sort of blurred in the past month) I was checking his mail like I do every so often. Recently not that often at all... and on his "recent buddies list" I noticed the screen name of "the whore." (See previous entries for definition.) Now AOL has this funny new thing, the "recent buddies" list you cannot manually add a name to... I tried. It only puts a name on there if you actually exchange an email, or IM with that person. (This according to the probably only 1/4 as knowledgeable as she should have been tech support person I asked..) So I was fumed at my husband and have wanted to know what the fuck he could have possibly wanted to say to that bitch...

I had further convinced myself that he *must* have spoken to her, because over the past two weeks she had not shown up once on MY buddy list. So I knew he *must* have told her I have her on there, and therefore she *must* have blocked me. I had decided today I was going to write him a letter telling him it is obvious he did speak to her (though he says he has no idea how the name got there, etc. etc.) and demand to know what was said.

Last night, as I was online for a little while, there she was. Once more today, there she is. Like a bad disease I have refused to get rid of. Though I scoff and curse her name every time I see her sign on, I cannot bring myself to remove her name from my list. Originally it was there for when they worked together, after I discovered the affair and he insisted they were not speaking any more, I would know he was full of shit because I could tell from their away messages, etc., when they went to lunch together, or took a break together... or anything... but now - why do I keep it there? He works miles from her. I don't know. Someday I will bring myself to remove it. And I still want to know how the hell she ended up on his list... but maybe I can accept he just might be telling me the truth about it? Maybe he did not speak to her?

I guess she had just gone on a nice little 2 week vacation.

1:48 p.m.

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