Saturday, September 8, 2012

Calm clarity

Today was amazingly stressful in so very many ways, yet now that it is done... I feel very, relaxed. Though, I am not sure that is the right word for it.
First off, getting all this confirmed Saturday was probably the most amazing "Mother's Day" present I could have asked for. (I just want to go home and leave everything about Illinois behind us, now.) But even with all that done, my husband managed to pull off a great day today too. First off, he gave me the amazing hand written card, AND these flowers, PLUS chocolate!! I am a happy camper.
I just know that with everything we have been through... my family is as strong as ever right now. Even though, like he said, my husband and I have been quite a bit "snappy" towards one another. All the more reason to get home, now. The quicker we get there, the quicker the stress subsides, the less we let the "little things" get to us and become big things.
Today, my munchkins both decided to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. (Hence the stressful day.) And wow were they cranky. But... we got through it. All of it. (With the intense desire for ear plugs a time or two, but we made it work.) I think our stress is beginning to rub off on them... that worries me greatly.
Though right now... I feel ok. Not that stressed at all. That is a first for me in months. I *am* stressed... don't get me wrong. But I don't have a million and one things jolting through my head at a thousand miles an hour. Frankly, it scares me. I am waiting on the "other shoe to drop" honestly. All I have to worry about is packing. Our NY utilities will fall into place once we know when the tenants are moving... and THAT is my only real source of stress. But, worst case scenario we force them out, and deal with a few weeks of non baby proofed hotel rooms and family members houses. (And trust me, that would be EXTREMELY stressful.) But I am taking it one day at a time, and today, I just have to pack. I even put it all out on my calendar, what days I have to have what rooms packed by and such.
Like I said... I don't have nearly enough running through my head... and the calm, is very unsettling. I hate that I have reached a point where I "fear" the calm... expecting the next bad thing to come along. Just as long as this time it doesn't - as long as this is the calm after the storm... it's all good. (I do expect a few ruff patches, naturally.) But "calm" would be a nice change.
I just love my family so very much. I want us home... relaxed. Able to be ourselves and enjoy one another. It's our turn to enjoy each other.

11:56 p.m.

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