Thursday, September 13, 2012

Forgotten photographs... green eyes, a red bra, bound hands, and I am nauseated..

I know this may come out like a full blown rant, and if it does - good... then it has served it's purpose... I found something on the computer today... that just - for lack of a better word... hurt. And it is not a recent something... not a new violation of the "everything out in the open" way my husband and I are living... so, I am trying to stifle my knee jerk reaction - of attacking my husband the moment he walks in the door. Because he would probably, legitimately not have a DAMN CLUE what I would be so upset over.... but that didn't make it hurt any less... or make me any less angry........

Anyway... what did I find? Well... my computer has been acting horribly recently. So, I decided to do a full scale clean out. I went through EVERYTHING... all the crap that gets saved, looked at once, then just clogs up the memory...... and there they were - pictures of her. These were not just any pictures though... one she had photo shopped green eyes onto herself... on one - she was standing, only in her bright red bra and panties...... and another - she is in her bra and panties, with her hands tied up, in a chair. I thought I was going to puke. Or throw something through the wall. Or - both. And these pictures, were sent to him - in APRIL. APRIL. What the FUCK. And these were WAY, WAY across the fucking line.

I just don't know what to say. I guess there isn't anything to say... but it just stings. I just don't understand why he did this to me. This nasty whore - who KNEW he had a family... sending these damned pictures of herself like that, to MY husband....

She has a body... and that makes me feel even worse. Here I am, working my ass off to lose weight, coming across the pictures of myself on the computer today that make me resemble a nasty fat cow... and there she is... her ribs showing, perfectly posed... to make myself feel better... I have to at least say she is most certainly a "buttherface" - because her nose - resembles a fucking football. But junior high grade level name calling doesn't make this okay. There are still near naked pictures of that pathetic slut on MY computer... next to ones of myself that make me look like a one ton tessie.

And today, it is all compounded by the SEVERE pain I am in. I worked myself out extra hard this morning (before finding the pictures) because I am trying so. damn. hard. to lose this weight. The weight that compounds my hip pain... but the pain gets worse with the working out. I am CAUSING my pain - but I can't stop... in fact... all I want to do now, is go work out even harder... to get rid of my disgusting body... because that moral-less bitch's half naked pictures were all over *MY* computer.

I just want to cry. And to go get this crap (fat) surgically removed. And a new hip. And an endless supply of vicodin. And, to cry.

Posted Date: : Sep 26, 2007 6:48 PM

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