But, I am here now. And my husband and brother are headed home as I type... right about now somewhere around the South Carolina/North Carolina border.
I just feel like I have an intense amount on my plate right now... but a lot of it is good things. Just the bad things stick out so much more intensely. After last Friday's falling out with his brother, we still have not spoken. His Aunt did talk to me, and she was relieved I got in touch with her. And thankfully, at least at last check, it seems his brother does plan on getting a loan to "buy us out" of his mother's house here in NY. Because we just can not have this sort of constant stomach turning arguing over everything.
I am very slowly trying to get together home improvement plans for my house. My husband and I talked, and decided we would like to remain in this house now for at least another 10 years, therefore we want to make it as comfortable for us as possible. We want to fix up the kitchen and the bathroom, fix the entryway, improve the "curb appeal" and the big splurge: put in an in-ground pool in the back yard. I am really looking forward to it all... I just know there will be stressful moments between now, and when all the projects are completed.
There is something else bothering me... something I feel very tentative to talk about here... but these are the moments I have to just remind myself this is my diary... so if I want to let it all out, I can...
I am concerned about my daughter. I have held these concerns deep inside me for a while now... and during the holidays they came bubbling to the surface, when I had a sort of affirmation that, maybe I should be worried.
My daughter has always done some slightly "odd" things... which we just brushed off as getting her father's obsessive compulsive behavior. She has lined things up. Gotten obsessed with ONE thing for the longest time. Feared the sound of sirens and the vacuum like it was the end of the world... and that is just a small, small part of it. Her vocabulary seems to have reached a plateau, and is not increasing much, while my son's is beginning to approach hers. And my nephew has Asperger's Syndrome. (A mild form of Autism.)
But still I just wanted to think I was being crazy.
Then, over the holidays my brother-in-law and his fiancee were here a few times. And they expressed some of the same concerns to my husband... meaning the things I have noticed over time, are prevalent enough to be noticed by someone here for a few hours a day, twice. When my husband told me what they had said, I think he expected me to react with anger, and a "they are so wrong" attitude. He was very surprised when I simply said "I know."
I think he was initially upset with me for not having shared my concerns with him... I am so sorry for that, and I know I should have. But I wanted to be wrong. And I still hope I am wrong. And I know IF she does have any sort of Autism, it would be VERY mild, and she would be rated as VERY "high functioning" - but I recognize now, there may be a few instances in her life where she is going to need a bit of help... pushes in the right directions and that sort of things. So, I probably need to go to someone to learn how to get her through it. Her bursts of insisting on odd things, and her inability to reason.
I have already noticed her sweet baby brother... who is truly still just a baby - taking care of his "big" sister. He brings me her juice cup when it is empty and says "Jiwwa's baba" (Meaning fill Jillian's baba) and he brings her toys when she gets "stuck" and cries for them when she could just get them herself. And it brings tears to my eyes... but it gives me hope because I know that IF there is something there, and it is not just a case of her being a bit "behind" that she will have more than just myself and my husband here for her... she will have her sweet baby brother looking after her too. (And then they hit each other in the heads with said toys............ can't win them all right?)
Anyway... I was just hoping for some feed back. I have pulled out parts of sentences and things from this website about Autism, and put them here. I am wondering... do any of your children do these things too... and have you been told they are totally normal? Or did you just not even worry about it at all? I would just REALLY appreciate the feedback.
Here is the list:
- Repetitive behaviors or interests. In addition, they will often have unusual responses to sensory experiences, such as certain sounds or the way objects look.
That is the list. I can't believe after going through that entire page, my sweet baby girl has strong traits from at least one thing mentioned in each paragraph, and still there are other things that are considered traits that went unmentioned. So, I suppose it is past time to get the ball rolling and see a doctor about it, to either get relief, or begin treatment. Which I think really only consists of behavior modification - probably for ME. So I can learn how to best help her through the problems she may encounter. Then part of me hopes I am worrying over nothing. Like I said... I would love some feedback.
I will be back soon. I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.