I am just literally infuriated with myself. And for what reason exactly I just don't know.
Last night as I was sitting on the couch watching TV, I felt SO sick... I KNEW I am pregnant. At that moment, I was absolutely sure. I mean... there is NO WAY I can "create" symptoms that strong in my head. I remember.. once early last year I was afraid I was pregnant and I felt a little queasy a time or two... but that was NOTHING like the way I have been feeling this past week. It is just insane. So... last night, I KNEW I was pregnant.
This morning... I felt fine - and as I was walking through the store... I felt fine... and I told myself... well... I guess it is all in my head anyway.
Then, I get home, and as I am sitting here I just begin to feel more and more sick. And this same thing happened yesterday, and Friday as well. And here I sit.. feeling as sick as I did last night. I rechecked the calendar... and the chances are so small for the day we had the mistake... but there IS a chance... and I just think... could I really be?
And as I sit here struggling with myself... am I... aren't I.... can I get excited.... no it would be stupid to get excited... and so on, I just feel so irritated. With myself. One moment I am SURE I am pregnant... the next I am thinking I have just lost my mind.
And I still have to go through another freaking week of this nonsense.
01.09.2005
1:05 p.m.
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