It is currently only 5:49 am, and the day already feels impossibly long. Maybe it has to do with being up since somewhere before 4 am, or maybe it is the amount of information I have had to absorb since then.
In yesterday's entry I mentioned my father-in-law's health. And I know that no matter how much time you are given to prepare for something like this... it never seems to be enough - but I really thought we had longer than this. Early this morning, my father-in-law passed away.
He lost what has been over a year long battle with one ailment after another.
Now I really don't know what to do from here. My husband left immediately to be at his mother's side, and I wanted to wake my mother to watch the kids and go be at his side... but he wanted me to be here for them when they wake up... because they have seen so little of him recently. I understand his point - I just feel like it was my duty to be there for him. He said I am with him - and he is right... just sometimes lending a physical shoulder speaks more than words can say.
I am so relieved my husband got to spend so much time with his dad last night. When he came home, he seemed so sad, but comforted at the same time. He said he felt like the "roles had been reversed" and while he was there he had spoon fed his dad jell-o, and he had held him up when he wanted to sit instead of lay... and they just had some good, close, much needed emotional bonding. That directly echoed what his mother had told me on the phone while he was with his dad. That they seemed to be getting some good time together.
I know nothing is ever enough... but I hope that gives him some comfort. My heart is breaking for him and his mom... and I wish I knew exactly what to do and to say. But I am here for them... and I guess at the moment that is all that matters.
I guess that is all I have to say for now... I wish I knew what the rest of the week held, but I know it will not be easy.
07.19.2005
6:00 a.m.
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