I feel totally scatter-brained.
My husband isn't home yet... and I miss him so much. I feel like we hardly saw each other this weekend. We got to go to dinner on Friday - which was so nice to finally do. And after that, everything just got thrown into warp speed...
Friday the pool guys started working on our pool, (they almost finished today) and Saturday morning I had so many errands to run... and then my husband went to visit his mom, and see his dad in the hospital... and things just became very clear, somewhere in there, that his dad is really, really not doing well. They moved him back to the emergency room this weekend and wanted to put him on a breathing machine... which he refused. And it has just been so hard for my husband. Thankfully though he is getting some very important time with his dad... I know nothing will ever be "enough" - but I know he is trying to cherish everything at this point. I just feel bad because he then hardly saw the kids this weekend. He went right back over there Sunday... and he went right there from work today.
In a way, having my mom around these days is helping out. My husband's mom is not liking leaving him alone while she and my husband work - because my mom is here I volunteered to stay with him... but so far it seems like that won't happen. I know it would be stressful, he has been having such horrible mood swings... but right now my job is to do whatever I can to help. These things are never easy... and there is never a "right" thing to say... so I just have to do what I can to help.
I have a surprise for my husband for whenever he does manage to get home today. (Tonight actually, and it is so dark I sure hope he notices!) Today I had my mom take the last amount of cash I had on me, and go to the store and get 6 bags of mulch for our big front garden (it has needed to be mulched desperately) and a few extra flowers... just what she could afford with what she had... and I went out there, with a thunderstorm knocking on our door (but I was loving the thunder!) and weeded and mulched the garden, while she sat inside making sure the kids didn't wake up. I think it looks really nice... and this weekend we can go get a few more things for it - and hopefully it will cheer my husband up and make him feel good. I know he takes pride in that garden... and the weeds were threatening a revolution.
Speaking of my mom... *I* was not the one to go to the store today for a good reason! Her truck, (neat little Nissan Frontier) - is a 5 speed. Now... I learned how to drive on a stick shift. I DO know what I am doing... at least, I used to! I went to the store in it once this weekend and I swear I was SO nervous. I used the gas more than I should have and didn't let off the clutch fast enough, and I was petrified I was going to roll into someone behind me. I know if I take it out a time or two more I will get my groove back... but wow were my nerves SHOT!! I should give myself the benefit of the doubt here... it had been something like 8 years since I had driven a stick... so I think I did good. Of course, even though my left leg was working the clutch, afterwards my right hip (my bad hip) was hurting SO bad. Now.. it feels just "wonderful" with my garden marathon... but it is all worth it.
It is so nice to have the bills paid... and the pantry stocked... and NOT be counting pennies for gas.
Now if only emotionally things would calm down.
07.18.2005
9:45 p.m.
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