Miscalculations

Sometimes I just feel like I can't win.
I mean, I should be proud of us right now, I think. Even with the intense sadness of the past week, we have really gotten so much accomplished.
And I should be able to just accept that. We made the payments on every single bill we received since the 15th. So I should be happy. We also got to go out to a dinner we have been wanting to go to for months, and got several things we have been wanting, but not really needing - and through all this I was watching our money so closely.
So why, when I checked the bank this morning, instead of the $3 or $4 I expected to be in there... did I see a negative balance staring back at me?
I mean, I know why - I went and found my mistakes. My husband had given me all the receipts and everything, I just neglected to pay attention to enough of them. I thought one thing had been deducted that had not, I thought one thing that had come out was actually another... several dumb things like that.
And now, I am a "liar." At least in my eyes. Because I promised my husband I had it all under control. That each purchase we made was just fine, and we would not go under before he got his next check.
And here we are.
I am disappointed. And I know that with his check this Friday I will just be that much more careful and such... but it just upsets me. Now my budget will be off... and my husband will give me some grand inquisition with questions like "how could you let this happen? you said we were fine" - Just ingraining into myself what I already know. Because he has to emphasize the "you's" in situations like this, because he HAS to put BLAME out there.
Maybe I am wrong and he will be understanding this time.
Maybe I just tried to squeeze a bit too much into his first check.
I am just pissed off at myself.


07.26.2005
10:26 a.m.