Saturday, September 8, 2012

Screw it

I feel like a fucking idiot.
I have been sitting here, knowing I have all this emotion trapped inside of me that I need to get out. But why... what good will it really do me anyway? Besides of course, cause me even more stress when my husband reads it and sees it is exactly as he predicted.
I know he was in a bad mood when he did it, but he did nonetheless, predict it. "Why get your hopes up so that in a few days I can just sit and read about how depressed you are in your diary when this doesn't work."
Just fucking great. Guess what. He was right. Of course. And so I sit here... not even wanting to write because it will probably just bring him down even more... I just feel like I am bawling on the inside. And on the outside I am jumping frantically between wanting to just cry, or tell someone off for the hell of it... or both. I am just so damn upset.
You know, this position seemed so damn perfect too. It was amazing. In an amazing area, with what seems like a great company. What blew it you ask? Though you didn't ask I will tell you anyway. Fucking Illinois blew it. The damn curse this toxic place has had over us since the moment we set foot in this forsaken state. The company that "brought" us here, the one that was nothing like it was supposed to be when we came here, was contacted by the Florida company. Now, we had not even expected this to happen. But it did. And they said horrible things about my husband, because they have a personal problem with him. But of course the damage is done.
So, in a last ditch effort my husband sent the Florida company all the documentation from him reporting the company for fraud, and that HE was the one right and all that... but it probably will not do a damn bit of good.
So the piece of shit place that got us here, has effectively trapped us here.
When does it stop??? When do we get a damn break? Is no one what they claim to be anymore. What is wrong with people? A company spiting us just because they can... a friends secret hatred and resentment, even a pathetic twat and her sidekick companion talking about how they look at MY buzznet pictures and "mock" my family because of their poor (and wrong) ideas of my husband - (If your clueless about that last one, your probably better off.) I just want to take my family and move to the middle of freaking no where and not have to deal with people and politics (both social and national) and all the nonsense that just seems to be attached to absolutely everything now.
Now, my damn tenants are going to be in my house until the 30th of May I am sure, and yesterday though we THOUGHT we had made an arrangement with my landlord to pay him something, instead a sheriff showed up at the door with an eviction notice. Whoop de fucking doo. OH, and I have not told you the other fun stuff of the week. My tax return... the one that was supposed to be direct deposited? Got returned to the damn government because one digit was wrong when they tried to deposit it. Now they *have* to cut a manual check, and that won't get done until at least May 6th... so I am truly trapped here, in a home we are about to be thrown out of.
Every time I think we are really finally at the bottom, and have to start climbing out of the hole... we get knocked down into an even deeper pit.

3:18 p.m.

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