The one thing I don't need to neglect right now... I have been neglecting. My ability to unwind my stress by writing it out. And it is not intentional... I think it is just that, there is simply so much going on... I just don't have the time to actually focus enough to let it all out.
I feel like we are slowly beginning to move forward again. Each step still feels painful to me... but I know there is nothing else to do, but forge on. We have had such dramatic ups and downs...
I have had the chance to learn a lot about my husband in the past week... we have been going through his mother's house. She never threw anything away... and his dad was even worse about it. Plus simply when you live in a house for 40 years, you accumulate a lot of stuff. Just plain "stuff." Some of it has been tedious... from the discovery that we had to check, open, and search each and every envelope we found (of hundreds) because of discovering a large sum of money in an envelope where you never would have looked... to heart warming... all the photographs. Her heart truly belonged to her grandchildren. I have stacks and stacks now that I have to put into albums. And then the pictures of my husband's childhood... (yes, I *WILL* be posting pictures of him with his 80's hair and 6 pack abs... because you know, I have to show him off!)
And of course, there has been the sheer stress. I mean, we have an "estate" to worry about now. We have property to sell, because financially it makes sense... and then so much to go through. The things his brother wants to sell and we want to keep, the things we want to sell and he does not agree with... just simple things that in such an emotionally charged atmosphere, can really drag you to a deep dark place.
And in all this, there is still all the grief to work through. The discovery of Christmas presents she had gotten for the kids... but never had the chance to give them... just heartbreaking moments. It leaves me feeling so sad on the inside... but I know there is simply nothing I can do about it...
I will be back, sooner this time, I promise.