Monday, September 10, 2012

The sacrifices we make...

I still feel so lost. And guilty. And, just sad.. and stuck in this funk that I just can not seem to climb out of.
I should be so thrilled.. my husband accepted a job offer today. He starts this job tomorrow. Tomorrow.
I am just very worried about the stability of the job. And he says he has a base salary... (lower than what we had been getting before, but not by much...) but he describes it more like it is simply an override. And he says it can grow... and I am just... petrified. And it sounds like we will have to jump through some funky hoops to get medical insurance.
And he has go to way into Queens to get there. (Aside from the reasons we all know I hate that idea... I can deal with it.. I have too... and I trust him these days...) But his hours are "9 to 7" - which means he will get home about what... 8:30 every night?
He won't get to eat dinner with us.
It will be so very, very lonely.
Maybe I am just spoiled.
Maybe I should just shut the fuck up and be thankful that we will have an income again.
Maybe it won't be as scary as I am thinking...
Maybe it will be a lot of things... but still... I just feel so profoundly sad. I just want someone to hold me, and say everything will be ok... and everything will get back to normal again.
We are so behind on all of our bills already, and it has only been 3 weeks. So many things I wanted to do... are just now on hold... and it is really hurting me.
We can probably even get back on track for most of it, without missing a beat with this job.
I just feel like emotionally I have taken a major hit over the past few weeks. I had just trusted that everything was going to be ok... and then the rug got pulled out from under us.
Everything was feeling so stable... and it was anything but.
Maybe this feeling unstable means it really is?
Just ignore me... I needed to ramble.

9:52 p.m.

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