I don't really know how I feel right now. I have this urge to write something... anything... but what?
So, I will start with the good.. my husband has already talked to several companies, and tentatively has plans to meet with I think three at various times next week. He seems confident we will pull through this and not skip a beat... "making even more than I was..." he says.
I envy his confidence.
I bite my tongue of the desire to ask him if he is crazy, arrogant, or just in denial.
But, that could just be my negative side talking. And he is confident, and moving on... so there is no way I am going to say anything to bring him down right now. I hope he is right. I hope he really has already "moved on" and I hope one of these meetings he is going to next week works out for us... and I hope it does work out so we will be better off than we were.
But I am just sad. We just got our health insurance. We were just beginning to get everything in order. I was looking forward (well, I won't go that far) to going to the neurologist to get additional treatment for my hip. Sure.. I now have about a 3 month supply of pain pills thankfully.. but I am still hurting. As I sit here right now... I am hurting so much I just want to cry. And I don't want to take a pill... once I get in the habit of taking 2 a day instead of just one at night... I will get immune to the medication faster. But I hurt... and I could not take the "Lodine" anti-inflammatory I was given. It tore my stomach up big time... even with the prevacid the doctor sent home.
And he was supposed to get a REALLY big Christmas bonus... and I wanted half of it put away... and half of it to be a down payment on a second car. And I have had so many plans for us...
Why does this keep happening to us? All I want is stability.
But he insists we will not miss a beat. And he seems so confident.
For now... I am just going to hold onto that... and not let go. It is all I have.
(If everything goes the way he is expecting it too... hopefully by this time next week, I can just stop doing so many private entries, if he is already employed... and start writing publicly again and never miss a beat. For those of you reading this who have not gone back a few private entries or so... I am being harassed/stalked by a former friend. She refuses to leave me alone.. and has said how she reads my diary to see my misery, that I am "getting what I deserve." So, there is no way I am going to publish this blow right now. And it infuriates me, that I am having to censor myself... but it is only temporary.)