My husbands interview in Rhode Island yesterday went well... though he said he is not very comfortable with the company itself - it is an "ok" second choice. His interview today however, went extremely well. He came away from it feeling very confident that he should get the position. We just won't know anything until Friday - or possibly Monday. (That is so long to wait when stressing over a job...) But... we can do it.
I feel so bad right now. My husband went into his "hold us over" job then today after his interview and called me to say he was going on the road with one of the loan officers - a female one. Now... I know that is just that. He is going on the road with her to try to help her get some new accounts. But it does not make me feel any better. First off (and maybe this is where my lack of knowledge in the business is showing through) I don't understand why the hell they would hire a loan officer that is incapable of going out and getting her own damn accounts. Now, that said, it is "killing time" for my husband at this job, which has begun to show exactly what we feared, it is not at all a position that is secure for the long term... that is why we have only been counting on it to hold us over until he gets a stable position.
I just feel really badly because, when he called me to tell me he was going on the road and taking that loan officer with him, I obviously did not react in the most supportive manner and he responded with "I know you don't like it, but what am I supposed to do..." And he is right - he HAS to do this right now. And I KNOW he is not doing anything wrong. But does that make me feel better enough to tell him it's "Ok" with me that he does this? No - it doesn't. Because still no matter what right now it's like I have this hint of doubt about EVERYTHING. I just hate that.
Adding to my insecurities, the past couple of weeks I have been having "bedroom issues." (Now, I risk telling everyone much more than you could possibly want to know by going any further into it than that.. I will just say it seems to be a physical problem.) I don't know if it IS a physical problem, or if it is just my mental state manifesting itself physically... either way, it has made it impossible for me to "get into the act." So, of course this makes me worry - if I am having issues with sex, how long will it take him to go find it with someone that is not having issues.
Last night I even cried about it - effectively killing the moment the rest of the way - and he told me not to worry, that we will get through this together, too. I just don't know what's wrong with me... and I know the added pressure I am putting on myself could not possibly be helping matters any.
Oh well... that's enough of my rambling for now, complete with the "more than you could ever possibly want to know about me" session.
02.25.2004
2:44 p.m.
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