Why can't it be easy.

It's like he knows. As of this morning I had nearly resolved myself to giving up my Saint Bernard. We have found a very nice lady who works with a St. Bernard rescue group in upstate NY... and have been speaking back and forth with her regarding our situation over the past week. Last week I wrote her a long heart felt letter about how much I love the dog... I just don't see him getting the love and attention he needs from us right now. She sent me a very nice letter back - and even asked to use my letter in their national yearly meeting or something like that because it puts in perspective the "good" reasons a dog owner may feel they need to give up their dog.

And now, all day my sweet Bailey has been an angel. He has been laying beside me, with his gigantic head either on my feet... or under the baby when she is in her swing. How does he know? It makes me feel so guilty. Does he feel like I am giving up on him? Will he be sad? Will he miss us? Would he rather stay here and not get as much attention... or would he rather go? I can't ask him those questions - and it's hurting my heart. I know some people will say he is "just a dog" - but he is NOT "just a dog" to me. He has been a family member for the past 3 years. And though I know he will be ok... it would still hurt so badly to let him go.

Then last night my husband did put a few things in perspective for me. My baby girl is getting much more mobile now. She is crawling. And with him here I can't let her go free in the house. (Not that I could anyway.) But I have to limit her even more so than most babies because we could vacuum DAILY and his hair would still be EVERYWHERE. That - plus he is a HUGE clumsy dog... one mistake... could be catastrophic. And I certainly am not willing to risk just one mistake because if that just one mistake happens to be his monstrous foot landing on her back - by pure accident... I can't even think of what may come of it.

I know what I have to do. It just doesn't make doing it hurt any less.

07.07.2003
3:49 p.m.