I think I am holding myself together ok at the moment. In one instant, everything feels like it is in such disarray - and in the next, I can reassure myself that the end result will be just fine. We will get home and out of this hell we seem trapped in... we will (eventually) get our tax money. Our "tenants" have to leave no matter how much they complain they don't have the "ability" (money) to move... after all, their lease is up, it is OUR house... they simply have to get the hell out of it. And even if we can not go straight to our house, we will have help, we will have a place to stay.
Now if I say that a thousand times over... maybe I can stop myself from the nutty ups and downs I am having. Really though, I have been up more than down recently.
I just have to get myself motivated to pack. See, what was it, over a month ago now, I started packing this house like crazy... we had high hopes of getting out of here as soon as we could. But true to form, this prison kept us here as long as it could. So, now I need to finish the packing, after all... less than 2 weeks from now, we will be home - home being NY. (In our house or not is still undetermined.) Less than 2 weeks! I feel so excited saying it... but then, I look around at the crap to pack, and just feel so unmotivated. I am sure of the problem, we don't have our tax money yet. And, it is beginning to look frightening. Maybe it was not forwarded here (we had to have it sent to our house in NY) and maybe it was just returned to the IRS. In which case we can fix that... it will just take time. Time, we don't have. So, we would have to rely on financial help to move... and that is just a can of worms I had hoped to avoid so much. I just hope it does not come to that. I am just getting SO worried.
Then there are our tenants. These people are just going to be a pain in my ass for as long as they possibly can. But, I have come to terms with that. They say they have no money to move. And as much as I want to go off on them, and say look it's NOT MY PROBLEM and get the hell out of my house - I can't. They have us against a wall to a point, and they may know it. NY has some funky rules (they are actually good ones, until they put good people (us) in a bad situation with "squatters") and to force them out, even after the lease is up, would be very costly... and take time. So, we hope if we are just nice "enough" - though firm... it will get them moving. (And if not, we know plenty of good attorney's too.)
My husband has already had moments where he has felt panicked over it... and hopefully he did not show our "hand" too much in letting them know how cornered we are. It's not like him to get so obviously freaked over something like this, and I know he is just concerned, and the stress is just really getting to him, as it is to both of us... and once again I want to just make it "all better." It's easier said than done though. Unlike them, we are way to honest to just stay here beyond our lease, after our landlord has told us to go. (Not to mention, IL law is totally different than NY, and we would be thrown out within a week or so anyway.) So... no matter what, the morning of Tuesday May 31st we leave this pit of perdition behind us. Where we go... we will just have to figure out as it comes. But we will be home, in NY.
My husband already has interviews scheduled for when we get back... if all goes well... he will be working within the first week we are there. I just hope I don't have to pull any fancy maneuvering to get his work clothes out of the boxes, alone. But we will take it as it comes... and just be thankful to be back. Everything else will fall into place over time.
05.19.2005
2:54 p.m.
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