A bad night

You know that nice relaxing "block out the world" moment I was hoping for after my babies were in bed last night? I almost got it. I came so close to having it. Somewhere between the craving to have a nice relaxing few hours, and simple reality... something went very awry. My husband and I had a fight last night. But this fight wasn't verbal at all...

You see, my little man the night before last decided he was going to be up and ready to go right at the time we were going to bed. Last night, he was well on his way to following the same pattern, and I was irritated about it because I really really wanted some real sleep. So, as he once more threw his bottle to the side climbed up in his crib, only to be so sleepy he fell back down, therefore bumping his head and getting upset, I threw the covers off myself as I got up to get him. I guess in my husband's eyes that is vindication for what happened next....
He yelled something like "you fucking hit me" and took a swing at me, missing I think - so I swung back pissed off that he had the audacity to swing at me over something so stupid. Then he became someone I have never seen before, and if I ever see again, I will not think twice to immediately pack myself and children up and leave - he was mad that either I swung back, or maybe I made contact I have no damn clue - but he lifted his leg from the bed, and kicked me - hard. Very hard. Maybe it felt harder than it was because he hit my bad hip, I don't know... but when I made it clear it hurt, and yelled it was my bad hip, he did it again - he wanted (apparently) to cause me pain - MORE pain. And he kept on. I was surprised he didn't stop once he realized it really did hurt me - but he didn't. So that was all it took for me to go into survival mode and do what it took to make him stop - I kicked him clear off the bed.


I finally then had the chance to scoop up my crying Aidan... and my husband grabbed the floor fan and threw it to the ground as he stormed out of the room. Now, not only was my little guy wide awake, but my 2 year old daughter down the hall was too. But of course, I was left to deal with this on my own. So my little guy got to play on the dark floor in his sisters room (this was just TOO cool to him) while I settled her back down, then returned to my own room to pick up the fan, and settle my son.
Within a couple of hours my daughter awoke again, after I went back in to settle her he was still up, down here on the computer. "My face hurts.." he says. (His face is where I managed to kick him to get him off the bed.) And he made some mumblings about how things had gotten out of hand, and could he come back to bed.... I said sure, and as I started to keep going, he told me I owe him an apology for hurting his face... I told him he hurt my hip and he dared to say "well it hurts anyway and has for the past however many years so what's the difference..." I just told him nevermind, don't come back to bed, and walked away.
We are both stressed right now - very, very stressed. But something like this blowing up out of proportions to this degree is inexcusable. Last night, that was not the man I married.


**3:49pm, I corrected the entry. Either he screwed with it, or something happened and a chunk of paragraph got removed.

10.07.2004
8:14 a.m.