Friday, September 7, 2012

A civil conversation... with my MOTHER?

From previous entries it is obvious that right now my mother and I are not speaking... at all. No big deal. I had basically "given up" and decided that whenever she got over her imaginary grudge, I would just deal with it then...

Wednesday night I had an odd dream - that I was calling my little brother (who lives with her) and she answered, said he was still sleeping, but then proceeded to start a nice and civil conversation with me.

I thought nothing of it as I picked up the phone yesterday to call my little brother, to let him know the pictures I sent of my daughter should be at our older brother's house, and he can go get the ones I marked off for him... (they are all in Texas, I'm in NY) My mother answered the phone. I asked for my brother, and she checked, came back and said he is sleeping, and asked to take a message... (obviously she did not even know it was me.) I said "Uh, It's Lisa..." and I think I may have said something about letting him know the pictures should be there and such, and I was ready to hang up because I did not want to let myself get hurt in attempting to talk to her like I have before... and to my amazement she then asked me "so how are you doing?"

I was shocked, and I'm sure I stumbled all over myself trying to give her an answer. We then talked for a little while... it was "uncomfortable" but I guess that is to be expected given the circumstances. I wanted to unload on her, and ask her why the hell she has not been around for me or to ask about my baby girl for the past year - but I didn't. I knew that would have immediately ruined the moment.

So - my mother and I are speaking again... I think. I hope that's a good thing. Part of me is wondering what is she going to "need" or ask me for in the coming weeks... and part of me hopes she just really wants to know how I am doing... and be someone I call when baby number two decides to make his grand appearance sometime next month.

There is such a canyon between my mother and myself - I know it can never be filled. But I just hope that this "interest" she is showing is legit... and does not have some ulterior motive hidden within it.

3:39 p.m.

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