Just a simple entry.

It's been a crazy week.

My husband was at a training thing for his company in Dallas Sunday through Tuesday... and though it was hell on my nerves, he did make it easier on me by calling when he said he would and by being accessible.

I spoke with my mother again... and she is acting like we were never not speaking now. I guess I would rather have it that way - though I still feel like I am waiting for her "real" motive to surface.

And as for me, I'm doing ok - I just have too much to do, and really can't get it all done on my own. I really feel like the clock is ticking insanely fast to the new baby's arrival, and we don't have anything done yet. Not even the basics. To top it all off I am still so damn dizzy. I told the doctor that yesterday and was expecting to hear something like "let's check your blood count again," or "eat MORE red meat/take MORE iron," but I did not expect what came out of her mouth: "you should go see a neurologist..." Say WHAT??

Ok, I can tell you right now, that is NOT going to happen. I don't have time to get done everything else I have to do - I'm supposed to just go see a neurologist for the heck of it when I KNOW its nothing they could help with? She even said it will take my hemoglobin a while to "come back up" so why the heck couldn't she just say to deal with it or something?

But now I am supposed to "take it easy"... even this morning my husband told me to take it easy, and suggested flying my mother up to help me out... (if I had not been sitting, I would have fallen over hearing THAT) and I even told him that yesterday at the doctor I nearly expected to be told to get help or something, and that I had considered bringing my little brother up - but my mother would be better at helping... I just don't know. I see it causing more crisis than it would help resolve.

First off, yes, my mother would be better at "helping" than my younger (18) brother... but then I have been telling my little brother for a while now I wanted him to come visit, and if I brought my mother up first he would resent that and it would hurt his feelings... and I don't want to do that... then I thought maybe I'd find a way to get them BOTH up for a little while, but that could be volatile because we all get along best when we are SEPARATE. (Not to mention how financially hard that would be unless I could find an awesome fare.)

So, I'm not sure what to do. It just seems easier to handle it on my own... until the next time I'm dizzy and just want to lay on the floor beside the baby while she is playing so I don't fall down.

10.23.2003
1:55 p.m.