A lazy day.

The house is silent. My baby boy is sleeping in his play pen next to me, and my baby girl is all cozy in her bed upstairs. And my husband is upstairs in our bed, sound asleep as well.

The house is so quiet. I should be enjoying this moment of silence... but I'm not, at least not as much as I would expect. I miss them, though they are right here, I still miss them. Does that make sense?

My baby girl is going to be two years old on the 17th. Just yesterday it feels she was this tiny little 8lb fragile baby - and now she is this amazing talking, free thinking child. I look back on that time, and so much has happened...

Ok, I'm officially rambling.

I wish I could call my mother. I wish I could tell her my little guy is so close to trying to walk... I wish I could tell her my baby girl is off the pacifier. I wish I could tell her all her new words of the past 2 months. There are so many things I want to share with her. But I can't. She always said families have to "stick together" and that is THE most important thing. Now I have a family of my own... and I want to share my happiness with her... SHE knows I have no phone number for her anymore (when she moved the beginning of July she could not get her own phone.) She KNOWS my number... she evens knows it would be ok for her to call collect. But she doesn't. And that breaks my heart... especially in moments like these.

I just want to tell her how proud I am of them, of me, and of everything in my life right now. But I can't. She called me on August 4th... incidentally my wedding anniversary, but it was mere coincidence, she didn't even know it was my anniversary. She only could talk for a moment and called to give me her phone number. Well... the number she gave me doesn't work.

And now my munchkin's second birthday is less that 2 weeks away. I wonder will she remember. Will she call? Will she do ANYTHING for it? My grandmother always called me on my birthday... she always sent me something... she ALWAYS let me know how much she cared. Whenever my children have children, I will be certain to be the sort of grandmother *I* had. I just wish I knew what was wrong with my mother... where her priorities got so screwed up. And what just makes it get to me so badly is... my mother ACTS like she's god's greatest gift.... I wish I knew.

09.06.2004
1:45 p.m.