Friday, September 7, 2012

A sunday entry.

This has just been one of those really, really ruff weekends from the standpoint of my marriage. My husband and I are both super stressed, and it seems we are just taking it out completely on one another. Finally... today has been a bit better.
Friday I was just ready to call my husband every name in the book - sure he was sick but he literally did NOTHING to lend a hand... yesterday he was just full of demeaning & sarcastic remarks - intermixed with a very few nice moments. And today, well today he just says he feels like crap. I think he feels so bad at this point more from stress than anything else.
After actually getting OFF the respirator once last week, his father is back on - and clearly the prognosis doesn't seem good. And his NEW job here, has crumbled. The salary he was guaranteed has collapsed because the people he hired have not produced as they told him they would, so he is basically on a draw. The draw is no where near what we need him to make - so now he is saying thins like he is looking into jobs in Houston... or something. My family may be in Houston, but it's become apparent that I am no where in their list of priorities, so why the hell would I want to go to Houston?? Plus, I have mentioned so very many times how much I LOVE the northern climate. The trees are changing here, everything is just so beautiful. Walking at night now you could wear long sleeves and be so comfortable. I just absolutely love it. And I love it here... the area is PERFECT. Chicago itself it beautiful, I would love to make it a monthly thing (in the warm months) to go to the lake (see the pictures on my template!) and just let the kids enjoy themselves. The suburb we are in is perfect. Everything is just so great here - I do NOT want to leave here.
He is just very stressed, and discouraged. And now he is sick, and has been all week. He has applied for another job, but I have no idea when or if that is even something he will get.
We need more stability than we have. Not being able to find work "so we will just move" CAN'T become the "norm" - I LOVE this house, the children are SO very comfortable here. I want to raise them in this area, it is perfect in so many ways. When he starts talking about leaving like it's easy... I *need* stability. We need this to work, he NEEDS to WANT it to work here to get the WILL to make it work.
And I feel like I have a bad sinus headache. I think, it's finally my turn. My friend has been sick. my husband has been sick - my throat is not hurting nearly as bad as this morning, but is still hurting - my head hurts again (Tylenol will fix that) and I'm beginning to get an over all yucky feeling. That just sucks. Anyway, my husband promised to go to the store for me at 4, I will have him grab some Tylenol cold while he is there and hopefully I can trick my body into thinking it feels just fine. He is also going to grab a small cake for my dear friends children's birthday... she has two of them with a birthday today... ages 4 and 1. Then I am going to make a nice BIG pot of Chili for dinner... because it has finally been cool enough to get away with it.. and call it good. (And I am listing all this... why?) I have no clue.
Anyway, hopefully my husband and I make it through the day without arguing - anymore.

3:32 p.m.

No comments:

Post a Comment