My very good friend was here this evening with her children. (See previous entry.)
Two of her three children share the same birthday - today. I made chili, and we got a simple store bought cake for her little girl, and a cupcake for her little guy, because he was only turning 1... the night had such great potential.
My husband kept doing this annoying selfish gross thing - sticking his fingers in the cake to get the part just HE wanted.......
I was across the room, feeding Jillian. I got a glimpse of him doing it again across the room and turned my head down and shook it... merely for my own sake, but he saw.... "what??" he says... I said nothing... "no, were all family here, what was that for." My response, I don't exactly remember, but it was something about how he kept acting... all night, all day, hell, all weekend.... Do you know what he said? Right there with my, no wait, our very good friend sitting right beside him? "Look you codependent smothering psychopathic bitch you don't want to go there."
All I heard was the insult. Actually part of the insult and when I demanded for him to repeat himself he refused, and once more turned his back to me - his preferred sitting position all weekend long.
Because this is what happens when he knows he is out of line. Knows he is wrong. At this moment I feel like my marriage is doomed - and I sure as hell hope he plans on proving me wrong with that in the coming days. Earlier today in my entry I mentioned how he has been sick... I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I would like to take this moment to simply, take it all back. If I was sick (which I feel I am getting a bit sick hopefully I can just pretend I'm not and "it will be so") I would still have him complaining to me about things not getting done, etc. and so on... but HIM... king fucking Andrew is "sick" and Friday he came home, and did NOTHING. He planted his ass in the computer chair and sat there. My favorite line of the night.... My friend and I had all the children except my baby girl in the kitchen with us... and my son was fussing, he simply wanted down.... I said Andrew, can you come get Aidan... "Ohhh... Leeeeeee your KILLING me here!!!!!!!" I was beside myself... they are HIS children too... but this weekend it was just me. I cannot get over how he desired to do NOTHING with them... he DID take them to the park this morning and gave me my sleep in time - but not without a side of guilt.
I just don't know what to say.
My dear friend now gets to remember her babies birthday as the day she heard my husband dish out one hell of a ridiculous out of line insult to me. I hope she will be able to look past that. I can't imagine how uncomfortable she must have felt.
Then, after I walked her home, her husband got home from work... we are sitting there watching the video we took on the webcam of them blowing out the candles, and such... first off he (my husband) let out with "fuck" which is now forever ingrained onto the video - though I can almost not blame him for that, the dog did startle the hell out of him jumping at the window - but then.... all I could do was hang my head as he let out this immense burp. ON THEIR VIDEO. All I could think is I am married to a man who THINKS he is this "sophisticated above everyone else New Yorker" that ACTS like a damned redneck hick out of the backwoods of god knows where and thinks his wife is some piece of shit there to "serve" him.
I noticed something else tonight too. Going back in time... we would be eating dinner on Sunday at his mother's in NY - because when we lived in NY that's what we did... she got to see the babies every week on Sunday... - but we would just all sit down at the table and he would start "Ma, you got any cheese... Ma, you got some napkins" - And I would want to say so badly YOU HAVE BEEN COMING TO EAT AT THIS HOUSE EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE CHILDHOOD LET YOUR MOTHER SIT IN PEACE AND GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET IT YOURSELF. Now he does it to me. I sit down... Lee... I need chips, Lee, I need cheese, Lee, can you get me a soda? Does he not care how often I have told him I HURT these days?
I am just so damned tired of some of the bullshit. This evening he came storming into the kitchen... "I have to escape Aidan (my 10 month old son)" WHAT?? He just wants the mouse, the keyboard.. etc etc. I just HAD to escape.
My poor baby boy. He only wanted his DADDY. His daddy who came home Friday night and with the only exception being this morning stayed his ass in front of the fucking computer all weekend. I just don't understand. Sure he is feeling bad... but give me a BREAK already. I want the father of my children BACK. I want my husband BACK.
I need him back - because this... this can't continue.