Friday night, we are sitting on the couch flicking channels... almost a normal routine for a weekend night when it is just us. He finds a movie on called 9 1/2 weeks. (Here I will say a little something about me, I have little patience for movies like this.) I dealt with it though, and actually, it seemed like it wasn't that bad. There was just one catch. He must have said over a DOZEN times "they had an addiction to each other..."
Each time he said it, it was like someone took the knife permanently implanted into my stomach, and sharply turned it and drove it in deeper. I don't know why the hell he felt the need to keep reiterating that point, but God it nearly made me sick.
Here is my reasoning: A while back he was keeping a "journal" - in one of his entries (a journal he thought I would never read) he said they (he and the affair) were "addicted" to one another, sexually.
I don't know why he had to keep saying that over and over again tonight. I just wanted to get so small and disappear into bed and not deal with it. I'm sure he did not realize it - I feel he kept saying it over and over again because it somehow reminded him of "her" - but I know he did not mean to hurt me by saying it, I'm sure he did not even think I would make the connection.
So - that is that. I'll write more very soon.
03.08.2003
2:01 a.m.
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