Saturday, September 8, 2012

An ulcer waiting to happen.

In my notes yesterday... as my nerves were shot and my mind was reeling with all the "what ifs" and the possibilities of moving to Florida and such... I found this in my notes from Second-Love: Lisa... I really feel your frustration and understand it well. I was faced with a similar situation not long ago and it took a serious toll on my relationship with John. BUT what I learned... is that ultimately WHERE we live does not matter nearly as much as HOW we live wherever we ARE. I'm sure you don't listen to much I say since I live such a double standard of a life... but I do know the frustrations... and if your hubby finds something that makes him happy... then EVERYONE (including you and the kids) will be the better for it.
This is one of those moments I have to search myself for the things that are important to me. And she makes a very, very good point. Where we are is not what matters... just that we are together. There are many reasons I do not want to leave here... I have a wonderful friend whose children's ages work so perfectly with my children... we have had plans for them to be friends for life. The school district here is amazing. The seasons.... I can't say enough about the seasons. And I know there are things I am forgetting here...
On the other hand, we would be more financially secure, ensuring I could still see my very good friend here often, and of course, we would be able to keep in touch in other ways too. My weight has always been lower in the South, now, maybe my metabolism just slowed with age too... though I don't think I have reached "that" age yet... but the damn heat I hate so much does stop me from eating as often... and when I do eat, I eat lighter, or just better. I would not have to worry about bundling the kids up in the winter... there is no winter there.
The bottom line is, we have heard nothing definitive yet. The job leads my husband thought he had for here, are not panning out the way we had hoped, and though he has no official offer from the Florida company, the way they are checking him out means they are very interested... AND, yesterday they mentioned something that would... if we do end up having to move, be music to my ears - the Florida stay would be temporary.. (most likely.) They eventually want to open an office in the Northeast, maybe Massachusetts - which in turn would put us that much closer to my stepdaughter... whom we have not been able to see nearly as often as we had planned to on moving.
My heart would be broken if we moved from here... I love it so very much. But then, if my husband has decided he just really doesn't like it... we can never be fully happy, if we BOTH are not satisfied where we live.
My stomach is doing flip flops, constantly. I want him to KNOW if he has an offer from the Florida place or not... and then, I want to KNOW if he is going to get anything substantial from somewhere here in time to halt any Florida plans. I HATE uncertainty... and feeling "stuck" in limbo.
I have beautiful plants to plant that if I am not going to be here to see in the spring... I will give to my friend to plant instead, so at least she can send me pictures. Because if I put them in a container, I doubt they will make it down there anyway. And I have plans... for Thanksgiving, for Christmas... for the spring... for winter... for EVERYTHING and I just feel like it's all stuck in this sticky nonsense and uncertainty and I just can't handle it. Every minute feels like a day...

2:22 p.m.

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