Waiting game.

We are supposed to hear from the company in Florida today. Either a "no Thank you" - or an offer. I am expecting an offer. I am also expecting to not actually hear anything until tomorrow... maybe that would pull my stomach out of my throat and take my hand more than a foot away from the phone.
So far, it's not working.
Our future is hanging in the balance. Do I continue to think about "when we do THIS here (my house) on Christmas Eve, or this there (our friends house) on Christmas Day" - or do I have to completely revive my way of thinking. Will we even be here for Christmas? The only way that would happen is if he does not get this job. And if that's the case... how the hell will we have the money for ANYTHING? He has no other offers of any sort right now. Nothing else has panned out. There is ONLY the possibility of this job in Florida, or, financially we are in a heap load of trouble.
I just need answers.
My stomach is burning... which has to be stress. Funny... I know in my life I have been more stressed than I am now. Maybe I am just handling things differently because I have children. I know moving here, I realized, now that I have kids moving is much harder... there is so much more "stuff" and so many more things I want to be so careful with.
So... I am just sitting here, waiting on the phone to ring. I hope he gets this job... and some amazing offer he can't refuse. Not because I want to move... it's the last thing I want - but because we have to stay afloat. We have to be secure, financially... for my children, and for our sanity. We need medical insurance. We need the bills paid. We have so many needs... and currently very few remaining resources.
He needs to get this job.


10.21.2004
3:50 p.m.