Another day... another, foreclosure?

This is my 300th entry. I have nothing "extra" special to say for it or anything... but I just wanted to say I think that is nice. I have really stuck with this for a long time now... with no signs of slowing down.
Anyway...
No resume calls. Well... the one in NY fell through. And he does have an interview next week. I guess we will just have to hold our breath and see. Honestly I just want to start packing things. Clearly it seems we just should not be here right now. When we discussed moving late last year in his job search, I was fighting it with everything I had... now I feel like staying would almost be a mistake. But we have to go with whatever we can.
Odd how things change. I do love it here... but my husband never has. I don't want to feel disappointed if he ends up with a job here... but right now, maybe we are just needed back closer to my step-daughter and in-laws more. I guess only time will tell. I just hate not being in control, but there is nothing I can do for any of this... whenever the phone decides to ring, I can't do anything about.
But I am really ready for the phone to start ringing with the offers from the North-East... really.. I am. So... lets start ringing now phone...
Last night as we were eating dinner the door bell rang... and we were officially served with papers regarding impending foreclosure on our house in NY. Now, we are thinking this crossed with what we have been working out with our mortgage company - they are SUPPOSED to be reworking the loan and we are SUPPOSED to be fine. Yet we were "served" these papers... so all morning we have gone through stress, stress, and more stress getting through to the mortgage company to get a fax number, oh wait, that number does not work... so call back, again go through the 20 minutes of yes that's my address, that's my social security number, that's my phone number, YES that's my alternate phone number (no shit, they wanted that verified before they would release anything) just to get a fax number that ONCE more did not work... Well... 6 fax numbers and many popped blood vessels later, we know the thing finally got through - at least on our end. (Now watch, they will lose it on their end and we will have to jump through these hoops yet again..) And all this, was for a stupid piece of paper saying we can't pay them. Good grief. AND, my husband's Aunt (to the rescue again) sent them the amount they required as "down payment" to rework the loan the beginning of last week... in a money order, and they say they still did not get it. I hope they don't send it BACK like they did her check earlier this month. I swear I feel like they are TRYING to take the house at this point... (though I know they are just doing their job and are NOT actually "out to get me" my mood has just been very bad because of all this.)
I am extremely terrified of losing that house. We may have a hell of a lot of bad memories in it, but it is OURS and I can't just let that go. And though there may be many BAD memories in it... there are also the best ones of my life - I gave birth to my 2 children while living in that house. And with our credit now and everything... who knows when we will get the chance to BUY a house again.
Earlier my husband said he thinks he can actually FEEL his blood pressure high at the moment... maybe I can too... it would explain this tight feeling in my chest and clenching reflex my fists seem to have acquired...
I just hate this. I want to snap my fingers and make it all better. I want something concrete... I want a plan - am I packing, or are we staying? How the hell are we going to continue to pay the bills.. and on and on and on - my head is just spinning.
And the phone still is not ringing.
Can I scream yet? But I know it would not do me any good anyway...
And finally... courtesy of mugwhump here is a little something that proves what we all knew all along... (apparently, I am quite "weird"):



01.26.2005
1:35 p.m.