First off - I'm sorry my updates have slacked... I have LOTS I want to write, but have had no time to do it the past few days.
Next, my husband can tick me off so bad sometimes that I can't even begin to describe it. Last night we went to a BBQ. From the email invite we got, it seemed like it was no big deal... just a "few friends." Then, in the car on the way there my husband says to me "oh, he never does anything "small." I'm thinking - ok, no big deal... as long as I can keep the baby happy, it will all be good. And, I asked my husband not to drink - so we agreed that he would have at the maximum two beers. (I can't stand the way he gets sometimes when he drinks.)
So, we get there and everything seems great... my husband had his two beers almost instantly, but otherwise, everything seemed ok. Then, the "entertainment" arrived. (Oh, and here I should mention: the friends house that we were at, is a band promoter, manager.. something along those lines) So the "entertainment" is a guy from the 80's band "Zebra" (I think) so my husband got ecstatic about that... and at this point he has another beer in his hand... and I swear was starting to make me crazy. This is when I began to feel uncomfortable... and put me in this sort of situation, where *I* know no one, and my husband is drinking and it just makes for a very bad melt down on my part. I called my husbands extra beer to his attention along with his overly "giddy" mood - hoping he would get the hint and cool it... but I had no such luck. As more musicians arrived and everything got more and more loud, the baby, who was nearly asleep, started to get cranky because she was over due for a nap, and unable to sleep. I was going to take her inside to get away from the noise and my husband says "she's fine, but if she gets fussy, I'll help..." - Ok, first off... I am with her every second of every day so when she is getting cranky, and/or unhappy with her surroundings - I KNOW IT.
Some time goes by, and she is really fussy now... my husband finished his third beer - and walks over to me sort of trying to conceal his fourth. He tried to smooth me over in his already intoxicated state by taking my hand and putting his arm around me... I showed him I would have no part of it - so he put the beer down, and said he was done. (And why is he only so interested to show me such affection like that when he is half lit anyway?) I tell him the baby is having troubles - and again he says "no she's not, look at her, she is fine..." *Ugh*
More time goes by, he has gotten up again, and when he comes back I realized that somehow when he got up he sneakily swiped the beer he put down and said he would not touch again, and was once more drinking it. That was it for me. I said "I'm leaving, we need to go, or I need to go, this is not working..." and from here on out nothing makes sense. He just kept saying the baby is fine - when clearly to ME she was not. Sometimes my husband's priorities get really, really fucked up. And he was only interested in doing what *he* wanted to do... not what was best for the baby. Clearly this was no place for her... but he did not care - he was to busy drooling over the members of the growing crowd... and trying to conceal his alcohol intake. So I went inside... alone. Time goes by, inside I realize it's still too loud at this point because the baby is now over tired. I get my husband from outside and told him "I am taking the baby HOME and will come back for you and my stepdaughter whenever your ready." I figured that was a fair enough offer - but no... he says why don't you bring her down while I play ping pong. So I tried it - and again HE was after what was best for HIM NOT the baby.
So as I sat there on the bottom step of the deck, supposedly watching him play ping pong - though I was only concerned with my daughter at this point I realized... this was just not working. The sun was going down... and my daughter has recently developed a very serious fear of the dark... the damn bugs were biting (and there is no way to tell if *that* mosquito was one with West Nile, or maybe *that* mosquito) and basically all these people I did not know kept looking at us like "who is that." I had enough and told him I really am leaving - for whatever delirious reason when I told him this... this time he says fine - I will finish this next game and we will all go. Whatever - at that point I did not even care if he was mad at me all night for making him leave... just as long as we left. So he finished his game and fetched his daughter who the second she saw me gave me one of the nastiest looks she has ever given me - and at this point my fuse was so short, it took everything I had not to unload on her right there in front of everyone. And as she stomped away to go get her shoes once more - this time where some people could hear (because clearly they were wondering what was going on) said "I told you I have NO PROBLEM taking the baby home now and coming back for you later." There was no way I wanted him to treat me like shit and the bad guy all night, not to mention my stepdaughters attitude... finally he agreed - and the nightmare was nearly over.
I just don't understand. Why the hell is it so damn hard for him to keep his word "only 2 beers" - he had four while I was there that I KNOW of... and he admitted to one after I left... though when I picked him up he was clearly sloshed... so I know he had plenty more.... and why does he have to be so damn self centered sometimes? *I* had our daughter's best interest in mind... *he* has his... and I'm sorry - when it comes between what *I* want to do, and what *she* needs... with ME she wins hands down every time. I would have LOVED to have mingled with those people... indulged my husband, gone over and let him introduce me to the guy that was playing music and taken their picture... I wanted to - but I had something much more important to do - take care of my baby girl. Had he given me the help he had said he would when the night began and she started to get fussy - who knows how much of that aggravation could have been avoided.
Now he is in there still sleeping... hopefully sleeping it off... he insisted he was not drunk last night... and as I needed to change I asked him to watch the baby for a moment - and before I could even get up - he had fallen off the bed.. right... sure - not drunk. I just don't get it.