Halloween Decorations and such

Update here too.
I started decorating my house for Halloween this week... and so far, it is looking quite good. Then again... I only have 15 little ghosts hanging from my tree in the front yard. Though, my big grand plans abound. I just have to see which ones I can actually do.
My husband wants one of those big blow up things for the yard.... and I think I found one cheap enough we just might get it. But then... I wanted a fog machine... you know, so when I open the door to hand out treats, fog billows out onto the feet of the trick-or-treaters. I guess we will see what all I can pull off.
I just feel like there is so much I want to do over the next couple of months, before Christmas gets here... and I really don't know how I am going to achieve it all. And it is all nothing really important either. Just things to get for the house and such.... and I did want to take a nice long drive when the leaves peak... maybe into Connecticut or upstate New York. But then... I stop myself from even suggesting it to my husband.
Why? Well... it is complicated. Or, maybe it isn't and I just feel like it is. I worry. Way too much. Every time we even get in the car to go anywhere... I worry about having an accident. Someone hitting us... something just going terribly wrong - all those crazy fears I am sure everyone has now and then. But mine seem to be so bad... and I attribute a lot of it to our accident we had... (Here is a link to an entry with more detail on that.) The way that just happened out of nowhere... and my overwhelming fear of something like it happening with my babies in the car... anyone out there ever have fears and worries like that? How do you work through them?
Well, now I am going to change the subject... and I am inclined to spill here in this diary of mine something quite personal... and I don't know what to do. Because I know she does not read it... but if she ever did... well, it would probably mortify her to see I put it in here. So, I am going to write about it now... and later on when my husband reads this, if he is not comfortable with it... I will simply pull this paragraph (or two) out.. Sound like a deal? Good...
The day has arrived my husband has feared. I don't think "feared" is the right word.. but more of that parental anxiety thing. His baby... my step daughter, his baby - is officially not a "baby" anymore. (She got her period.) And, in hearing the news over the phone, I saw his face just drop.. not in a bad way, but in that "embarrassed because it is a 'female thing' his daughter is telling him about, but it has finally happened" sort of way. He handled himself well... and did not make a big deal about it... but ever since then he has had this goofy look on his face. Like he is unsure if he should laugh, congratulate her, or cry. Poor guy. And to think he will have to go through it all again in 9 years or so.
And, I think that is all I have to say for now. I am just so tired today. I wish I could crawl back in bed...

10.06.2005
3:40 p.m.