I had the strangest dream this morning. My husband let me sleep in... (Oh how I have needed one of those days!) And, though I never get much sleep when I am "sleeping in" - because hearing the kids playing, and sometimes arguing keeps me at least half awake, I do get some extra rest at least.. but I digress...
I had the strangest, short, but really intense dream. It bothered me on a deep level. In the dream, I was pregnant. Clearly pregnant but not the "ready to explode 9 months pregnant" - and I was at my doctors office... surrounded by people I had never met, and I was very uncomfortable with everyone. They were telling me they were going to have to induce labor... now because the membrane surrounding the baby had been punctured... (my water had broken) - but I was terrified. I was telling them they had to be wrong, that I would have known that... and I was only 30 weeks along... I kept saying I have to be at least 32 weeks along.. and I was wanting a second opinion, but they were refusing, telling me I would jeopardize the baby if I did not induce now - and I was terrified. My husband was there, trying to comfort me... but even he did not seem to understand my distress... and I just felt so afraid.
So... did I get any actual rest this morning? I guess it is debatable. I am not sure what was scaring me the most. That my concerns were not being listened too... or that I was totally unfamiliar with EVERYONE around me, with exception to my husband... OR, that I was simply, completely out of control of the situation. I guess it was just one of those things. (Anyway.. I know I am not pregnant... so I am just searching for it's true metaphorical meaning I suppose.)
And wow... a sudden burst of heavy rain just hit the house so hard it truly startled me. This is the best sleeping weather... it is absolutely pouring. We have been needing this for a couple of months now. Now we just don't need to get it all at once.
For the most part I am feeling pretty good tonight... though I think I am fighting off a bit of a cold. The past few days I have had that ever present "murky head" headache feeling... and my throat has been a bit scratchy. Hopefully it will go away within a day or so, and that will be it for me this season.
I spent some time today just watching my babies. Sometimes I have to remember to take a day, and just put it in slow motion. Things can get so hectic... life can just fly by, and what's important can slip through your fingers, if it is given the chance. This morning, my sweet baby girl fell down, just as I was getting her brother... so my hands were full and I could not pick her up right away. I knew she was hurting because of the way she was sitting... but I sent her out to the living room. Once I got out there, I was pretty much right behind her... I saw a huge gaping scratch on her knee... and it was all puffy, and it looked like it must have really hurt. Much more than she let on. I felt so guilty for sending her on her way like I had before. But I set her in my lap and just kept her there, while my husband grabbed a towel and a band-aid. She is getting so big... and she has become truly her own person so much. She has full conversations with me now... and I remember the days as if they were yesterday, when I would keep count of her vocabulary... and tally up when she added in a new word. Her brother is right behind her with it too. As we are teaching her to read numbers from her books... I think he is picking up on it as well. My sweet, happy babies.
Tonight they were dancing around the living room... and my daughter was trying to do something with a semblance of "order" around in a particular circle. My goofy little smiling baby boy wanted nothing of it. He looked like he was thrashing around a mosh pit... bumping into her, the couch, the wall... intentionally at every turn. It was just hilarious. I have seen him do it before... but tonight... it was even more prevalent. They simply amaze me more and more each day... and I am so very thankful for them.
I guess I will go for now... the rain is hitting the house so hard off and on... it sounds quite ferocious outside. I hope it keeps up for a while... it would be so nice to fall asleep too.