Her first steps...

Before having my daughter, I never held anyone else's baby. Ever. Seriously. I would never do it. I was terrified I would drop the poor thing, or that he/she would spit up on me... or something.

I was, however, confident all that would change when I had my own child, and that everything would just come naturally. And I was right... of course I always have a fear I will trip, or fall holding her or something... but with everything that happens... I seem to know what to do.

Even after having her though, there was still one "age" I feared. Well... feared is not the right word... but I was "apprehensive" as to how I would get through it. It is the age she is at now. You see, before becoming a mommy... someone else's baby/toddler (that age where you are unsure which classification they belong in) would look at me and point to something and babble off baby "words" and look at me - expecting me to say something. And in the past, that made me so uncomfortable. What was "the kid" looking at I would think... what the heck am I supposed to say? "Yeah, it's a tree..." - That was not what the poor child wanted to hear. These situations always made me so uncomfortable... so I worried how I would handle it when my daughter got "there."

She is there. She points at a bird in the sky and calls it by name (a name that sounds nothing like the word "bird" might I add) and I tell her yes it's a "bird"... "b-i-r-d, see baby girl, the pretty b-i-r-d flies" and she smiles at me and "gets it." Same goes for the busses... the trees, the fans in the house, the cat...... basically anything and everything. And I look back and laugh at myself. I "feared" this?

It is just so amazing to me... everything she does I want to capture - and remember forever. Maybe I am just overly nostalgic, maybe it is not as special to my husband because he has "been there" and has an older daughter (though that's horribly unfair to me if that's the case) but I wish I could share it all with him a little more. I can't change how he feels... I just need SOMEONE to share it all with though. Sometimes when she is all snuggled up to me, just before I put her in bed, I'll tell him "look at her" - and in his already nearly dozing state he may glance over... or he may just say "uh-huh" as if he did glance over... I worry I annoy him constantly making him look at her when she is doing something she has done a zillion times before... I just wish I could make him understand - each time she does whatever I may be calling his attention too - to ME is so special. Ok - I'm rambling, and I really don't know my point.

My mother did not even call on my baby girl's birthday... (last Wednesday the 17th.) I knew she wouldn't. If you have been reading a while you'll know she and I are not speaking. But no one called. (From my family.) Not my older brother... or little brother - not even a friend of mine who I thought would call. (Who's birthday is today and I made SURE to leave "Happy Birthday" messages on ALL her voice mails.) No one. Amazingly enough though, my little brother seems to do the best of them all... he does call a lot. He even called today... and he had all the "right" things to say when I told him she took her first steps. Then I tried to call my older brother, and his boyfriend answered and said he was not home... and I made small talk... but nothing. No mention of her birthday or anything - so I brought it up and he was all "oh, yeah and how is she doing..." When did people stop caring? When did the word "family" take on such a small meaning? I am sure - well... almost sure that my older brother will call later and "apologize" for not calling on her birthday and be all happy and ask how she is doing... but it seems like it's just fake at this point. Fake.

Anyway... this was supposed to be a GOOD and HAPPY entry! My sweet munchkin took her first steps Friday night. My husband was on the floor (with our new carpet!!) and I was walking with her, holding her hands and giving her forward momentum... got really close to my husband and let go - and SHE KEPT GOING!! Took and two steps and fell right into him! Of course the proud mommy in me forced tears to rush to my eyes... but I fought them off because I wanted to see her do it again! She is doing good now... she only takes two, or at the most so far three steps at a time... but she is WALKING! Watch out house, dog, and cats - here comes MY TODDLER!!!



09.22.2003
4:17 p.m.