Hummmmm

Because this would be just what I need right now...
Though in a way... it would not be THAT bad... there are just a few things I would worry about...
But I mean really... I wanted to be better prepared for something like this first...
The rest of this entry will probably be filled with "female" stuff... so, here is your warning.

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So, here is what I am getting at... on the 30th of December, my husband and I had a "booboo." And sure enough, when I checked... it was exactly in the time frame of "possible conception." It was in the most minimal day... for those who may know... it was "cycle day 12" however... my son, was conceived on that day as well.  So, needless to say... I am quite worried.
It doesn't help that I have been feeling queasy, and have had the funkiest taste in my mouth now for a couple of days. Which would follow along the lines of my pregnancy with my daughter... I was sick over a week and a half before I could actually take a pregnancy test. And then, of course I feel ridiculous. I mean... what are the chances... really? I feel like in a week and a half I will be laughing at myself and feeling completely dumb... and realizing my mind must be a very powerful thing to have "created" these "symptoms" that were merely imaginary.
I just don't know.
I did not want to mention it much at all to my husband - but last night I did tell him I have been feeling queasy - and his immediate reaction was NOT what I wanted... or needed. What I was wanting I really don't know... but it was not the "lack of" reaction that I got. This morning however, he did make me feel much better about it as we talked some.
My main concern, is my weight. I still have so much to lose from having my son. Last year, I think the paxil I was on for a large part of it really screwed my system up, and I just retained weight like never before. Then if I am pregnant again... it will just give me so much more to worry about... and the extra weight on my hip...
I just have so many worries. So... over the next 2 weeks I will probably be posting all my obsessing into these locked entries... (locked because the LAST thing I need right now is criticism) and I need an outlet to obsess into somewhere. I figure 2 weeks from now I will either look back and laugh at the amazing ability I have to create symptoms that damn sure FEEL real at the moment... or, I will realize just how right I am. I guess it remains to be seen.

01.06.2005
9:55 a.m.