One year ago today, my husband and I headed for yet another of my weekly Dr. visits... hoping, and crossing our fingers that we would hear something more than "yep, your still 3cm dilated and 80% effaced..." - And we did!
Initially, my heart sank as the Dr. told me the same story no change... yes, all those contractions I had felt over the weekend had been for nothing... then she said "so, are you ready to have this baby?" And the appointment was set - we would go to the hospital at 7pm to have my labor induced.
The next few hours were like torture... I was excited, and scared and every emotion in between... A friend of mine told me "enjoy these last few hours to yourself" - at the time I thought "ok" - but I would soon find out how clueless she was... they were not my last few hours "to myself" - it's more like they were my last few hours of living my life WITH MY EYES CLOSED. My daughter has shown me a wonder and amazement in life I never knew existed - she has redefined my definition of the word "love" and given me a fulfillment I never thought possible. Just seeing her smile, makes any problem I have instantly vanish to the furthest corner of my mind.
I can't believe that tomorrow... technically at 2:58am she will be one year old. One. One. It just keeps reverberating in my head. One. This year flew by... and yet I can almost pick out ever detail of every second that passed as well... a strange feeling for me because generally I have a horrible memory - but I made certain to remember everything my baby girl has done... and I have taken so many pictures too... though have not developed all of them, I know at least I HAVE them... I wish I could have taken more though. I wish I had a snapshot of every second from the past year... but I guess some of it will just have to stay locked away in my mind - images left only for me to see now. I can't wait to see what this next year holds... I just hope it goes by a little slower.
In a few hours she will officially be "one." The year will be over... and I can't turn back the clock to revisit any of it again. But I will cherish each second in the coming year, just as I have each one in the year past. Because I know that she will only be "One" once... and then next year she will be two - and I will have another entire years memories locked away in the past, so I have to make the most of every second as it comes to me.