Saturday, September 8, 2012

I can't tell how I'd win or lose...

Poor "Stanley Johnson." Now, before anyone thinks I am nuts here... have any of you seen that commercial? It's for some mortgage company (how poetic, right?) and there is this guy introducing himself with a plastic smile on his face... saying "I have a great family, a four bedroom house in a great community, like my car? it's new! I even belong to the local golf club... how do I do it? I'm in debt up to my eye balls! Somebody help me." And he holds his smile the entire time he is saying all this... I just feel like I can relate so well right now.
We won't know anything on that job in Florida until the middle of next week, I assume. The company president got back into town last night, but has to meet with his senior staff management, and one of those people won't be in until Monday.
We have gotten into the habit of having my good friend and her family (husband and 3 kids) over every Friday night, and we cook something, watch a movie, talk, laugh, etc. and generally it works out pretty nice. Today she asked me if I was "up for it" tonight still... given the stress of the situation and all. All I could say is yes... because this will probably be the least stressful Friday in the coming month, or two. I mean really... I'm not going to be relaxed tonight. But I won't be relaxed until we hear SOMETHING on his job in the middle of next week sometime.. and even then, my stress level is screwed... totally completely screwed. If he gets the job, we move, stress... stress... stress... packing, stress... stress... stress... driving, stress... stress... stress... leaving behind the best friend I have had in years, stress... stress... stress... OR, if he doesn't get the job.. we then continue on with no income, the rent due, the mortgage due, the phone bill due, the cable bill due, the satellite bill due, the car bill due... no medical insurance in sight, kids need shots... my son needs "things" done with his hydroseals (if you know what I mean good, if not he has fluid on his umm... baby balls.) That is supposed to be handled on/around his first birthday, which is rapidly approaching.
I would love to just scream. But it would do me absolutely no good.
On a good note... my husband and I have really come together this past week. We are not picking fights with each other and things are just much more peaceful. He and I have both told each other it's not where we are, its that we are together.
Oh, and out of the blue my mother actually called me last night. She finally has a working phone. She could not talk long, but I know I can call her this weekend, when her cell minutes are unlimited. (haha) So... I guess I will find out what's been going on with her then. Of course, I would love to talk to her about everything going on in my life right now... but in a way I just don't want to tell her the truth. Like it would be admitting we were defeated here - and she would probably on some sadistic level enjoy that. She feels I "belong" in Houston... never mind I really don't LIKE it there... she thinks that's where I should be.

2:52 p.m.

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