Friday, September 7, 2012

I hate days like this.

My birthday was great. I had wonderful friends over, and my husband made his Spaghetti, which I LOVE. So, at least this years birthday was one for the "good birthday memories" category.

I wish this week would have been as great. My husband was really in a hell of a mood this morning... here is how it went:

This morning he says: "Have I done something that's bothered you this week?"

I said well honestly you have seemed a bit self absorbed... of course he gets defensive and wants to know more... so I told him, for instance.. Yesterday... when he came home I had the front room perfect, no clutter on the desk, no clutter on the entertainment center... toys orderly even the candles lit... did he say ANYTHING about it... NO... what DID he say first?

As he walked down the hall upstairs "oh, I guess the cats had a poop party"...... meanwhile, the litter that HAD been in that spot in the hall had been there since we GOT UP yesterday morning. HE had passed by it MORE than me.. yet he didn't BOTHER to pick it up.. *I* had gotten up the actual clumps of litter during the day.. all that was left were little bits that needed to be gotten by the vacuum (that my friend was borrowing during the day yesterday.)(the dog had carried a clump of litter to that spot during the night.) and I said AND my mood is just "off" because my hip and back have been bad this WEEK. He goes, ok so that's yesterday what about the rest of the week? I was ready to scream... so from that point we just got into it in general.

I mean, did he not hear me just say my hip and back have been bad this WEEK? Then he says: well is it from exercising - knowing I have not exercised nearly as much as I have wanted to this week... and THEN, finally of course we get down to the heart of his problem.. (I mean for Christ's sake the "poor guy" has had to go all of 6 fucking days without sex) he's like u have been falling asleep on me and all every night... so now I get to get interrogated because he hasn't gotten "enough" sex? I said MY BACK AND HIP HAVE BEEN BAD AND I'VE BEEN TIRED.... I'M NOT ALLOWED TO BE TIRED?

Then he complains to me that he gave me a massage for my hip the other night... I guess I am just nuts for thinking a few minutes of rubbing followed by him expecting sex for it does not count as actual "help" for my bad hip. His defense... he gives me massages "all the time." Which, for one is bull... so I told him, only when you want SEX. "NO... I give them to you anyway...", "NO... you don't." And round and round we went.

And then he throws in the "if you think I only do it for sex you should go marry someone else." Line... he just holds the separation thing over my head... constantly. Like it would be so easy for him. Now, I for one believe there is no such thing as a "fair fight" and that "rules of engagement and rules of war" are ridiculous. But in a marriage, there should be some things you DON'T say unless you mean it.

But to him... he does not care... I mean, he could just go get his sex somewhere else... or at least, that's what he seems to imply. His infidelities still dangle over my head at moments like this.. I mean, now of course, in the back of my mind there's that little voice... "Ohh, I better have sex with him soon or he will just go cheat again." And I know he knows it. But that is just disgusting that he would play that card so easily.

Then, finding his way out of the "conversation" he says to me to just write it down... that I am better at it that way anyway or something... I wanted to scream HELLO - I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU WHAT'S BEEN BOTHERING ME but at that point, I was more than happy for him to just go away.

Follows right into another issue I have had with him. He never listens to what I say. Ever. It's been bad recently. I asked him not to download AIM onto the computer... (there's no need, we HAVE AOL) He did it anyway... Yesterday during the day I told him where I went with my friend... to the bookstore and to another store... then last night he is asking me.. oh, you went to the bookstore too? - Like he's surprised when I mentioned the book I got. That's just two examples anyway.

I HATE feeling like I am not heard. Especially by someone that bitches I don't talk enough.

Geeze... I think I am done for now.

OH - AND... the past week he has had a "cold" - and OH MY GOD... the entire world is supposed to ask him if he is "ok" and... "do you need some chicken soup dear" as he pouts around about it... Meanwhile, I have REAL pain, what do I get? I get: WHY HAVEN'T WE HAD SEX??? Geezus. What happened to being UNDERSTANDING, and CARING... really... not just for sex.

Now I'm done. (I hope.)

12:46 p.m.

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