It seems the comments page of my last entry has taken on a life of it's own.
I wanted to post this entry much sooner, but I have just had a heck of a busy week. So.. first let me do this:
Kaire: I know when he is like that I deserve better. I have told him that, now I just need to know he realizes that *I* am right.
Andrew: You have shown exactly the ass you can be with your post. You don't take my feelings seriously when it seems to be most important sometimes. Any "point" you claimed you were trying to make with your post about ripping a family apart was lost in all your ludicrous and unnecessary insults.
Employed: A nerve must have been touched with him, because that's when he gets nasty and defensive like that... when he *knows* he is wrong... but yet feels he has a right to be right. Did that make sense? I hope so.........
Liza: You are right in many ways. However, the friend he is speaking to IS a very good friend of mine... yet she is also a very good friend of his too, so there is only so much she can say without risking hurting someone's feelings or something - I think she handled the conversation quite well. She was very much so stuck in the middle. But you are completely right, when he starts talking like this... acting like he is "giving up"on so much by being with his family whom he is *supposed* to want to be with, listing off all these qualities he claims I don't have that he "requires" and saying how easy it would be for him to go screw anyone... that is not trying to keep the family together. That is the same bullshit he has spouted before... and that never ends well. And, I have 2 children, and 1 step daughter... he has cheated twice... once was a long drawn out 4 + month affair, and the other was an email affair that lasted little more than a month before he went out of town and screwed her.
Sanetwin: I loved your post. Everything you said I completely agree with.(But my friend was backed into a corner... though he gets plenty of supporting comments from his friends too... but they know his twisted view of things.) "Life isn't all about dirty fucking cups and who did what portion of the housework. That isn't what a marriage is about and should never ever be what it's about." Well said. Now I hope *HE* figures that out.
Anna: See what I wrote to Liza.
First timer: "Your only going to get out of her what you put in stupid." You make some very good points.
Beetilda: My husband is as Yankee as they come. Though when it comes to women, sometimes I feel he does think we should be barefoot and pregnant serving him his freaking newspaper and slippers with a side of dinner when he walks in the door from his "long hard day" with the kids all pre-tucked into bed so he can happily get a blow job before bed and think that this would make me happy - merely "serving him." Then other times I see the man I know he is... the one that truly does give a shit. (And, we have been down the counselor route... that was a joke.)
Andrew - again: I think you made a typo dear.. far better writer THAN talker you meant? And your right.
Ok... so, after I posted that entry last week, and knowing he read it when he came home he said NOTHING to me about it... I reached the point of being "fed up" - and I wrote him a very long email:
You said nothing to me tonight about my diary entry... I guess it is best, because it only would have started a fight. But there are a few things that need to be said.
First off, why did you lie and say you unloaded the truck? You didn't TOUCH anything in the truck. Do you need to make yourself look that much better so badly? I really don't understand, but really want to know why you said you unloaded the truck. What did you gain by saying that?
You know what - screw this. I was going to sit here and correct everything that was wrong that you said and all that... but it's not worth it.. I have done it before. We have had similar issues to this before... and you know what? I am tired of it.
Some things you are just going to have to learn to deal with - I mean, I certainly deal with enough of your quirks... therefore if you don't come home to a perfect damn house every single day - just deal with it. I *don't* want to hear you moan and complain about a friggin coffee cup. I have bigger things in life to deal with.
So, finally, I am saying, just deal with it. I do my best, I always do my best... and if it isn't good enough for you... make enough so we can hire a maid... or as you so eloquently put it... go "bang" someone else.
AND... if I am not "strong, confident, aggressive, and motivated" enough for you - go find someone who is. I do not deserve to be compared to some invisible imaginary woman... and I am tired of you trying to justify your affairs because of moments like these - if you in anyway feel justified in what you did - LEAVE. If you are not happy with me and our children - LEAVE. If you can't accept me for my flaws as I have accepted you for yours - LEAVE.. I am SICK AND TIRED of being ridiculed over petty bullshit.
If the coffee cup I overlooked to take to the kitchen (with good reason mind you) bothers you that much - take it yourself. If it bothers you that I can't get 5 loads of laundry all done in one day, do it yourself. Yes, you work... BUT SO DO I. You get to "leave" your office.. I DON'T. You are not here for all the fits and crying the bad side of the good... You need to understand things will NOT be perfect for a WHILE with house cleaning and such... if you can't handle that then you need to either do it yourself or hire a maid. I do my best, and normally I feel I do really damn good.
If it is really that easy for you to talk about going... if you are once again looking for a reason to fuck up - by all means... I won't stop you. But the door will NOT open again this time.
I want a husband who loves me - even for my flaws. Deal with it or not - either way, stop trying to make me feel like shit about it.
Please don't respond to this in a nasty defensive way - that's not what I need right now.
After that... I still got nothing. No email back... nothing. I let over a day go by. Finally we spoke about it - sort of. In I guess an effort to back pedal all over himself he said he was just upset because he doesn't want me to turn "into my mother" - a valid fear... but he knows that will not happen. And he also needs to understand everything will NOT be perfect all the time.
I don't know if I got through to him or not. I certainly hope I did. Things seem ok with us right now. I just hate feeling like he could switch back to being a total ass at any moment. Hopefully he will show that it is not going to be that way.