I only wanted a phone call.

Yesterday was not his "normal day at the office..." Yesterday he was "out on the road" trying to make new connections, and reconnect with old accounts, that sort of thing. So this was a test of my patience and "trust" in him. It would have been so simple... all he had to do was call.

But with him, it is never "simple." Not only was he running around the town he and his "ex-whore" used to run around in... but he was totally untraceable to me. All I asked was, when he left this one particular place, that he call me. (Thus giving me simple peace of mind because if he had been up to no good, he would not have been able to stop and call me in the middle of it... right?) So, he got there at 1:30. Tick - toc, tick-toc... 4:40 he calls. Clearly on the way home now. I said "how many places did you stop at?" he said "5 or 6"... I could have screamed. He did not even offer an apology for not calling me WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD. And, 5 OR 6??? You just went to these places, you CAN'T REMEMBER HOW MANY YOU WENT TO? Damn it, damn it, damn it. WHY can't he get it through his thick head? Now... I am *SUPPOSED* to TRUST him Friday at this damn show (which I have already mentioned reasons for reservations about in a previous entry) - how can I trust him to call when he says on Friday... if HE CAN'T call when HE IS SOBER????????

I don't want to fight with him. I don't want to keep not trusting him... he just makes it SO HARD. Now he wants to start working out at a gym in his building... that he SAYS he "just found out about.." ? Umm.. ok - right, you have been working there how long? And it does not help he gets that "already guilty" look when he mentions it... so I don't know.. I feel like it is a crock of shit, but I KNOW I am probably just reading into something wrong.

He has been more distant the past little while too, I don't know what from. I know my moods have been all over the chart, I am sure that does not help, and we are both stressed about money... I just feel like I have to be so careful to not get hurt. I am worried I will see a problem where there isn't one. He would not do that to me again. He saw how much he hurt me.

04.02.2003
1:57 p.m.