Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I'm on a rollercoaster.

I had decided to give up my dog. It was done. That was that. All I had to worry about was how long he was going to be on the wait list for, how to get him upstate... and how to make sure I had the $50 donation I had to give the rescue group.

Then yesterday I got an email from the lady saying they had noticed he was not fixed, and needed to be - plus we should update his shots. Ok. I knew this would put a kink in things. And having an extra two or even three months to ponder this in my head would make actually letting go of him very hard. Then last night my husband sort of shocked me by saying maybe we can give him another chance...? And I suggested getting him fixed anyway... that maybe that would help his "pee" problem somehow. So last night my husband made extra efforts with the dog... and he was an angel.

Now today I have called around to our veterinarian... and got a heck of a shock. It's nearly $200 JUST to neuter him! That's not including his shots and everything. I also figured while we were spending money we don't have why not find out how much it would be to fix my cat that has been making us nuts going into "heat" what seems like once a WEEK... To spay her is $145!!! What happened to the days of it costing at most $100 to neuter a dog... $50 to spay a cat and $20 for vaccine boosters???

So I just don't know what to do. Maybe the woman with the rescue group has an "in" with some veterinarians upstate that can give her a discount if we just pay her for it? I don't know. I feel so irritated. I had made up my mind it was the thing to do... and now here I am being forced to question it. And I LOVE MY DOG!! But, just... for example today: I had the baby playing on the FLOOR in the computer room for the first time. First off: I had to cover the floor in blankets because of all the dog hair packed into the carpet that the vacuum would have a panic attack trying to get up... second: I had to lock the dog out. So he bitched and moaned at the baby gate and nearly made me nuts for 10 mins and I was worried he would go pee... so I let him outside to which he proceeded to bark repetitively and without a break for the following 45 mins. Now you may ask why not just let him in the room too...? The room is small... HE is huge... and he is unaware of his size and had he stepped on the baby - I won't even go there. But I know he loves the baby. When he comes in here and she is in her swing he lays under her in such a protective way.

I HATE this. Is he happiest with us living like he is? If so can we get a handle on his "pee problem??" And if not - where the heck can I find the money to get him fixed before I go insane? And how will I know what's right?

4:49 p.m.

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